Page 15

This isn’t you.

Like you would know.

His attention slides away, guilt flickering on his features, and instead of feeling satisfied, I just feel sick. Tyson taps him on the shoulder, shouting something I can’t hear, and the two take off toward the stage together. Turning his back on me. Like always.

“You know,” Devon whispers, still grinding on me, “I can help take your mind off him.”

My head falls back against his shoulder, my burning eyes on the ceiling as he slips his hands beneath my shirt. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” His lips trail down my neck, tongue flicking out to taste the sweat on my skin. “I can make you feel so good. You know I can.”

Fuck, and I need it. The alcohol isn’t doing what it’s supposed to, but I promised myself I’d be good. Just for the week, just while I’m around her.

I can do it. I can be strong.

When Dev’s finger brushes my nipple, I exhale sharply and push him off, fighting my way back to the bar. The woman behind the counter raises a penciled brow at me when I ask for three more shots, but other than that, she doesn’t comment as she lines them up. One after the other, I swallow them down, feeling nausea roil in my stomach.

I can do this. I can get through this week sober, force a smile on my face, pretend like I’m fucking happy if I get to spend time with—

“Maybe you should slow down.”

Matty’s voice cuts through my swirling thoughts, making me choke on my drink. Coughing into my arm, I scowl at him as my blood runs hot.

“Maybe you should shut up.”

His expression hardens. “Nice.”

Scoffing, I down another shot, keeping my eyes locked on his sky-blue ones. “What’s with the fucking beard? You look ridiculous.”

He really doesn’t. Could shave his head and tattoo his eyeballs, I wouldn’t give a shit. I’d still be hopelessly in love with him.

“Valerie wanted it for the wedding,” he mumbles, jaw tightening. “You really should lighten up on the shots, Xed.”

“Isn’t this supposed to be a party? Your party? Why are you being so fucking lame?”

He looks away, shoulders tensing as he tugs on his white-blond strands. “I don’t drink much anymore. Valerie won’t let me, plus between football and Hannah, there’s no time.”

The mention of the daughter we raised hits like a kick to the teeth, vodka burning in my throat when I take another shot. A fresh wave of pain slashes through my already tattered heart, making me flinch.

I can do this. I can do this.

Matty’s eyes soften when he notices my reaction, reaching out to grab my hand. “She misses you so much, Xed. She’s been chatting Valerie’s ear off about how excited she is to see you—"

Recoiling, I jump away from his touch as if it burns. The phone in my pocket starts to buzz again, and I pull it out to ignore the call from Pearl’s nursing home for the hundredth time, feeling sick.

Matty tries to reach for me again, concern etched on his features, but I can’t.

I can’t. I can’t do this.

Pressure starts to build in my head, and I shoulder check him as I pass, heading for Devon with one goal in mind.

I’m sorry, Hannah.

He’s dancing with Christian, Arya sandwiched between them while they writhe in unison. Grabbing the back of his shirt, l haul him after me, pissing off the line of people waiting for the bathroom when I bypass them and slam the door shut.

“Damn, I love it when you manhandle me,” Dev chuckles as I shove him against the wall, reaching into his pockets for that little hidden baggie of bliss.

“I want to fucking forget. Make me forget.”