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I missed her fifth birthday party, her first dance competition, and will probably miss her first day of kindergarten in the fall. It fucking cuts me to my core. But having her here now, coloring away at some sheet the restaurant gave her while she keeps her arm linked with mine, it feels like a piece of my heart has just snapped back into place.
The other half, though…that’s a different story.
Glancing away from Hannah briefly, my gaze cuts to Matty at the end of the table. He seems distracted, staring down at his wontons unblinkingly while Valerie and Tyson laugh and prattle from either side of him. It feels wrong to be this far from him, to have all of our friends and family in between us. Even after a year, it’s like my body still believes its place is at his side.
But it’s not. I don’t think it ever was. He’s never felt farther than he does at this moment, five feet across the table of this overpriced Cantonese cafe, even when he was seven hundred miles away.
Matt’s dad, Wayne, draws my attention from over the paper lanterns adorning the table. “So, how’s the new apartment, Xed?”
Small as shit.
“Great,” I shrug, pushing my food around my plate. “Closer to work, so I usually run in the mornings. Sharing a bathroom with Salem sucks, though.”
“Rude.” She smacks me on the shoulder with narrowed eyes, and I raise my brows at her.
“Your hair gets everywhere. The next time I have to unclog the shower drain, I’ll puke.”
“Oh, stop. It’s not that bad.”
Christian snickers, throwing his arm over Arya’s shoulders. “Welcome to living with a girl, hombre. They shed like huskies.”
“You’re one to talk.” Taylor flings rice at his best friend. “You leave more hair around than she does. Swear you’re going bald.”
“Take that back right now.”
Matty’s head snaps up as if he just tuned into the conversation, and he frowns as he bounces his gaze between me and his parents. “Wait, new apartment? What’s going on?”
Everyone falls silent, besides Val and Tyson, who seem to be in their own world.
Clearing my throat, I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “We, uh, moved out of the townhome. Salem and me, I mean. Got our own place.”
“And we miss you living there every day,” his mom groans, shaking her head. “The new tenants are horrible. They ruined the hardwood during their first week by putting dish soap in the dishwasher. Honestly, Xed, we wish you’d stayed–”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Matty demands, cutting off his mother, hurt written all over his face. “And why did you need to move? Is work going okay?”
Wayne grunts around a mouthful of chow mein. “We told you we could have worked something out if the rent was too much. You’re like a son to us, Xed.”
“Work is fine,” I grit through my teeth, forcing myself to stay calm for Hannah’s sake. “It wasn’t about the money, I just…” Needed to escape the memories. “Needed a change. And the apartment is also closer to Salem’s job, so it all works out.”
Win fucking win. Go us.
Jenna leans over Salem, squinting at me. “You told me that my brother knew the day we helped you move. What gives?”
“Yeah, what’s up with you two?” Taylor interjects, blue-green eyes bouncing between me and Matt. “Hiding shit from each other is a Huckslee and Logan move, not a Xed and Matty move.”
That earns him a shove from his boyfriend. “Fuck off.”
Sighing heavily, I gaze toward the lanterns hanging from the ceiling. “Can we move on with this rehearsal shit?”
“Uncle Fungus, no swearing,” Hannah chastises me, and a grin forms on my lips at the nickname she gave me from the movie Ice Age.
“Sorry, Creature.”
“Yeah, what happens at these things anyway?” Salem asks, glaring at Tyson and Val as they burst into laughter. “Do we, like, practice the wedding ceremony or something?”
“Typically, we’re supposed to.” Barbie grimaces, not even trying to hide the distaste in her tone. “But it’s too hot out for the beach right now, so let’s just run through it here.”
“I still think we should’ve gotten married on a cruise to the Bahamas,” Val pouts, batting her fake lashes at Matty. He tears his gaze from me long enough to shoot her a blank look.
