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“I…” He exhales slowly, closing his eyes with a pained expression. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“No, I think you did. It’s cool, though. I wouldn’t choose me, either.”
“Xed, please.” He steps toward me, his free hand reaching out like he’s trying to bridge the gap between us.
Spinning on my heel, I cut him off before he can say anything else. “It’s fine, Matthew. Enjoy your rehearsal. I’m gonna go hang with Dev, but I’ll see you back at the house.”
I feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull, watching me go, but he doesn’t try to stop me. He doesn’t follow.
When I reach the curb, my composure is hanging on by a thread. My hands shake as I pull out my phone, the effort to keep myself together finally breaking as I swipe away missed calls from Pearl. A sob claws its way from my throat, tearing me apart from the inside out.
Just once in my life, I want to know what it feels like to have someone fight for me.
Chapter nineteen
“That’s it, spill. What the fuck is going on?”
Glancing up in annoyance, I shoot my sister a glare as I settle back into my seat at the table with Hannah on my lap. “Can we tone down the swearing, please? And nothing is going on.”
Apparently, everyone’s still heated over Tyson being my best man.
I get it. I am too. It wasn’t my fucking choice, just like everything else in my life now. The words I’d said will haunt me for the rest of my life.
“No, Jenna’s right,” my mom interjects, her piercing blue eyes narrowing as they fix on me. “You’ve been hiding things from us, Matthew. Something happened between you and Xed.”
My pulse quickens when Valerie’s nails dig sharply into my thigh under the table, and I force a too-wide smile onto my face, trying to mask the panic bubbling in my chest.
“He’s been upset about the move and me getting back with Val. That’s all,” I say evenly, the lie burning on my tongue. “But he’ll get over it.”
At least, I hope. I pray. Because I need my best friend back, even though Valerie is doing everything in her power to keep us apart.
Tyson scoffs, breaking the tension with a swig of his beer. “Guy probably has the hots for your girl, and he’s jealous.”
Valerie and her friends nod in agreement like he’s said the most insightful thing all evening, but the rest of the table stares at him like he’s just grown a second head.
Xed? Having the hots for Val? The idea would have made me laugh if I wasn’t so upset.
“What about those scars?” Taylor cuts in, chewing on his bottom lip. “Those were…I’ve never seen those before.”
Christian grimaces, his brows drawing together. “Yeah, that shit looked painful. I know a cigarette burn when I see one, and homie had them everywhere.”
“He didn’t do that to himself, did he?”
The question makes my stomach churn as all eyes swing to me. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, my hands tightening protectively around Hannah until my gaze lands on Salem, whose gray eyes practically burn a hole into me.
“It’s no one’s damn business,” she snaps angrily.
Her sharp glare silences everyone at the table, and my dad clears his throat, ever the voice of reason in tense moments.
“I agree. Let’s not discuss this while Xed isn’t here to explain himself.”
We return to discussing the ceremony, and Valerie finally retracts her claws from my leg. I keep my gaze on Hannah, doodling on her placemat in my lap, not really speaking unless spoken to. The truth is, Xed’s scars aren’t the only thing haunting me. It’s the way his eyes looked when he left the parking lot earlier that’s imprinted on my soul.
Deep down, I know this isn’t just about the scars. It’s about the distance I’ve put between us and the choices I’ve made that might have broken us apart.
As it gets later, we decide to head back to the house and call it a night.
I’m just about finished buckling my daughter into her car seat when a shoulder nudges mine. Glancing up, I’m leveled by the animosity radiating from Salem’s sharp gray eyes.
