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That realization begins to set in as we all take our places, Mom signaling for the band to start the music. Everyone takes their seats lined on either side of the aisle, friends and family watching me stand before the officiant, and despite the sweltering sun beating down on me, a cold sweat forms on my brow. As the bridesmaids and groomsmen begin their walk toward the hydrangea arch above me, my heartbeat pounds in my chest, a painful ache stealing my breath–

Hydrangeas.

Why the fuck am I standing under hydrangeas?

Did Valerie do this on purpose?

The music changes, tempo slowing as a flash of white appears in my vision, and I slowly take in my soon-to-be wife walking toward me with a sneer on her face. There’s a bouquet in her arms, more cursed flowers that remind me of Xed’s Aunt Pearl, red and angry like the burns on his arm, and suddenly I want to run. Pick up Hannah and make for the desert because this doesn’t feel right.

“You are one lucky man,” Tyson grins, his gaze running over Valerie as he practically salivates. I flinch when he slaps my shoulder, the urge to step away from him coming on strong. Nausea roils in my stomach, and my fingers shake uncontrollably in my pocket when the mother of my child stops in front of me, looking annoyed. She doesn’t even acknowledge me or Hannah as she hands her bouquet to one of her friends with a huff that’s muffled by the blood rushing in my ears.

“We are gathered here today to witness this sacred union,” the officiant starts, gesturing at us to hold hands. As our palms slide together, a sense of wrongness hits me like a tidal wave, and I yank my arm back quickly.

This…isn’t how it’s supposed to go. I shouldn’t be standing here right now.

Valerie tosses me a scathing look, grabbing my hand back before squeezing so hard my bones grind together, pain lancing up my wrist. Rather than risk broken fingers, I don’t pull away this time, plastering a smile on my face to hide the wince.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Everything is wrong.

“We stand here to honor and celebrate the love shared between these two people as they come together to start their new life with a solemn vow, surrounded by their closest family and friends.”

But I’m not. I’m not surrounded because one person is missing, the only person I’ve ever wanted beside me—not Tyson, definitely not Valerie.

My other half is missing, and it’s all my fucking fault.

“There are no vows more meaningful and powerful than those which will be shared here today. Please face each other as you declare these vows to one another. Matthew, you may start.”

I stare at the officiant, not really seeing him as I blink slowly. Every word I had prepared to say turns to ash in my mouth, their weight too heavy to carry. They would all be lies, anyway, and speaking them to someone else feels like blasphemy.

She’s not who they’re for. She doesn’t deserve them.

I can’t do this. I can’t hurt him anymore.

A harsh tug has me turning toward Val, her brown eyes flashing dangerously as she pulls Hannah to her side. All of my resolve dissipates into smoke. Anguish twists my stomach into knots, and fear spurs me on despite every fiber in my body screaming at me to walk away.

I’ve already lost Xed. I can’t lose my daughter, too.

Clearing my throat, I keep my eyes on Hannah, unable to look Valerie in the eye when these lies roll off my tongue. “I, Matthew, take you, Val, to be my lawfully wedded… wife. I promise to stay by your side through good and bad times–” Lies. “I vow to stay true to you and love you unconditionally until the end of my days.”

All fucking lies.

Until death hopefully do us part.

She smiles smugly, letting go of Hannah as she opens her mouth to repeat those same vows, when a shout rings out across the beach.

“Stop! Matty, don’t do it!”

I freeze, all the air leaving my lungs in one breath as I slowly turn toward my best friend, knowing his voice anywhere. He’s sprinting up the driveway, and even from this distance, I can see the redness in his eyes that are trained on me. He looks like shit, still in his clothes from last night, blood blooming on the bandage covering his brow.

Hannah jumps excitedly, taking off toward him, and I pry my fingers out of Valerie’s grip to follow even as she screams after me.

“Matthew, get back here!”

But I don’t care. Nothing matters anymore because Xed is here, picking up our baby girl as he moves toward me purposefully, and I’m so damn happy to see him that I do the only thing I can think of as tears of relief spill onto my cheeks.

He’s here. The love of my life is here, and everything will be okay. I’m safe. I’m safe, I’m safe.