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Is it me? Am I not enough?
Stepping up to the bar, I scratch at my arms and flag down the bartender, ordering myself a drink to hopefully drown my feelings.
Bury them where they belong, like I’ve always done.
Chapter twenty-eight
After consoling a very upset Huckslee, I immediately make my way over to Taylor when I return inside the bar.
“Your stepbrother is ordering the entire menu on your tab. You might want to close it.”
“Fuck me,” he mutters, shoving his pool stick into my hand before going after Huck.
Scanning the room for Xed, I find him on a stool at the end of the bar with his head bent, and I step up behind him to place my chin on his shoulder. He shoves me off as he takes a giant gulp of beer, causing me to step back with a frown.
“Why are you mad at me?”
“Who says I’m mad?” he snaps, avoiding my gaze.
I scoff as I cross my arms. “We’ve been together for how many years now? Over thirteen? I know when you’re upset.”
He slams his mug down on the bar, throwing me a cutting glance. “We haven’t been together. We’re just friends.”
“Well…” My brows furrow as I wrack my brain, trying to figure out why he’s acting this way when his dick was in my mouth not ten minutes ago. “Well, yeah. Best friends. Partners in crime.”
“And is that it?” Turning fully toward me, he searches my gaze, expression guarded. “What are we doing, Matty?”
I open and close my jaw, at a loss for words. The crowd grows loud as a DJ starts karaoke, and I study Xed silently as he chugs the rest of his beer.
Because honestly, I don’t have an answer.
We’re… definitely doing things two platonic friends would not be doing, but I don’t want to stop. I like touching him, kissing him, making him come.
God, I love making him come so much. Sometimes it’s all I can think about.
“Forget I said anything,” he mutters, throwing a few bills on the table before sliding off the stool, and I swallow hard as I watch him walk back to the pool table.
He avoids me the rest of the night, hardly speaking to anyone. Taylor’s also in a pissed-off mood, watching his stepbrother make a drunken fool of himself, and Christian keeps disappearing into the bathroom with a different girl on his arm.
We all decided to go out tonight to forget our worries, yet here I am, worrying about Xed and what I must have said that hurt his feelings, playing pool by myself until last call.
Xed waits for me by the front door while I put away everyone’s cues, and when we exit out into the night, we’re immediately struck by the sight of Taylor and Huckslee embracing against the building. They jump apart when they see us, Huck wobbling slightly, and my brows jump because what is happening there?
“What’s going on, Tay?” Christian asks slowly, coming up behind us with some blonde lady on his arm, and I don’t miss the way Huck’s face falls before he spins around to leave, Taylor running after him.
As much as I’d like to watch the show…I’ve got my own issues to figure out, so I nudge Xed with my elbow and gesture toward the Subaru to leave. The plan was to have Taylor drive us all home tonight since he doesn’t drink, but I’ve only had one bottle of beer all night. Couldn’t drink with my best friend being mad at me. Xed must feel the same because he hardly drank, either.
After saying our goodbyes, we slip into our respective places, Xed behind the wheel while I play passenger princess. He turns on some music, letting it softly fill the silence as he takes the long way home. He’s probably dreading being alone with me in our bed, and I hate that.
“Xed,” I start, reaching for his hand curled tightly in his lap. “Please talk to me. What did I do?”
Exhaling sharply, he weaves his pinky with mine, eyes on the windshield. “What time do you have to pick up Hannah from Jenna’s tomorrow?”
“I don’t know, like nine. Stop avoiding the question.”
“I’m not,” he tosses me a glare, harsh features lit up by passing street lights. “I think I want… I want to take things further. With you.”
“What?” I squeak, clearing my throat to sound more manly because that was embarrassing. “I mean, what? Further, how?”
