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With one last glance at Hannah’s room, I force myself to walk away.

Because no matter how much I want to step back into that townhome, into that life, I know I can’t. Not anymore.

Clenching my teeth, I step into the living room, bracing myself for Val’s next verbal strike. She’s leaning over the table, ripping at a roll of wrapping paper like an angry toddler.

“Seriously, how long does it take to fix one simple thing? Or is tying a bow too complicated for you?”

“I was upstairs checking on Hannah,” I reply flatly, “like you told me to.”

She scoffs, gesturing at the half-wrapped shark toy in disgust. “I asked you to wrap one present, and you can’t even manage that. You’re a goddamn joke.”

“Shh, keep your voice down,” I say, glancing at the stairs to ensure Hannah is still in her room. “Val, it’s her birthday. Can’t we just—"

“Clean this shit up,” she interrupts, throwing a ball of crumpled wrapping paper at me. “And maybe try not to screw it up for once.”

Rather than say something that’ll make things worse, I lower myself into a chair to pick up the scraps, anger and resentment burning in my gut. Her voice fades into the background as I hear Hannah’s sweet giggles upstairs, the only thing keeping me from driving off a cliff.

If Xed were here, he’d be rolling his eyes at the mess while Hannah played with the paper, scooping it up like a pile of leaves.

But that’s not my reality anymore.

My reality is this—a battlefield of harsh words and dead memories, the constant ache of missing the life I should’ve had trailing me like a ghost.

I gave up everything for this. And I’m not sure it’s even worth it.

Chapter thirty-five

Everything hurts.

My knees ache from how long I’ve been kneeling on the driveway.

My skin burns from the Arizona sun.

My eyes sting; they’re so swollen I can’t even blink. My gaze is still focused on the road, even though Valerie took Hannah almost an hour ago.

Shattering my heart.

I can still hear my daughter screaming for me as her mother dragged her into the car, digging the knife deeper into my gut. All I ever wanted was to make her happy. To be a good dad. I failed.

Everyone around me, I’ve failed.

“Matty.”

His voice draws me out of my grief, and I look up at Xed despondently, the sight of that bandage over his eye sending me spiraling deeper into this pit.

I hurt everyone I care about.

“Come on, big guy,” Xed grabs my arm, tugging me to my feet even though I’d rather just sit out here and melt into the pavement. “Let’s get you inside before you burn to a crisp.”

I wouldn’t even care. It’s what I deserve.

The house is quiet when we enter. All of my friends and family were shocked into silence from the truth I just told them, spilling all of it as I blubbered like a crazy person after Valerie and Tyson left with Hannah. That was right before I ran outside and crashed to my knees, sobbing into the concrete. It feels like hours ago.

As Xed pulls me into the kitchen, I keep my eyes down, feeling everyone’s gaze on me. Tension is thick in the air, shame making my burnt face even hotter.

Taylor’s the first person to break, pulling me into a bruising embrace, followed by Christian and Salem. Next thing I know, I’m being crushed by hugs as my mom, dad, and sister follow suit. So do Huck and Arya.

The only two who aren’t touching me are Xed and Devon, both leaning against the kitchen counter as they watch the show.