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“No, Salem, I’m not… Fuck, I’m not trying to blame you!” My voice cracks, and I rake trembling hands through my hair. I've never hated myself more than this moment.

Her shoulders slump as she lets out a breath before making her way out. “I should have known better than to fuck a church boy. Don't let the door hit your sore ass on the way out.”

She doesn’t slam the door. No, that would make this easier. Instead, she softly closes it with a kind of finality that feels worse.

I sit there, frozen in the center of her bed, the sheets still warm from where we were tangled together not five minutes ago. My body aches in places I didn’t know could ache, not because of anything she did, but my own mistakes.

It’s me.

It’s always fucking me.

My eyes burn, and I press the heels of my hands into them, feeling like I could squeeze the shame out if I push hard enough. But it doesn’t budge.

The silence is deafening.

For the first time, I don’t pray.

I just sit in the wreckage I made and wish I knew how to be someone else.

Chapter

Eleven

Salem - Present

“I have an idea.”

Two sets of eyes blink groggily at me the next morning. Taylor and Christian groan, hardly awake, with a single bowl of Lucky Charms between them. They were fighting over the last of the box, so I made them share.

“Ideas are for after the sun rises,” Tay grumbles, purple-streaked hair a mess. He gazes into the bowl forlornly before glaring at his best friend. “I swear you're stealing the marshmallows on purpose.”

Christian grins, smacking his lips obnoxiously as he chews. “Left you all the rainbows because… you know.”

“I like dick?”

“Yeah.”

Huckslee snorts from where he's making a protein shake at the counter. I ignore all three and steer the conversation back on track. “As I was saying, I've got a really cool stunt idea if you both would listen.”

Taylor groans, dropping his head into his arms. “Salem, please, I can't do this anymore. It's too early to function.”

“Quit your bitching. We need to practice for our next show.”

I swear Taylor lets out a sob. Christian sighs heavily, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “Tay’s right, chica. We're fucking exhausted. You've been getting us up at the asscrack of dawn for over a week.”

Pressing my palms to the table, I lean in excitedly. “Trust me, this one’s worth losing sleep over.”

“You said that about the fire rings last summer and Tay almost lost an eyebrow.”

“I lost half an eyebrow,” Taylor corrects, voice muffled by his arm.

Huckslee slams the blender down with more force than necessary, turning to glare at his boyfriend. “Fire rings? You didn’t tell me about fire rings!”

Tay glances at him sheepishly. “It wasn’t a big deal?”

“Not a big deal?” Huck’s voice rises several octaves.

“First off, it grew back. Second, it was her idea!”