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Clover had barely escaped, but it hadn’t been the time to tell him this.

I would’ve given anything to save him. I would’ve traded places with him. But he was untamable. There was no going back. I pressed my hand against the wound, stanching his bleeding as he continued to repeat.

Bonds are stronger than blood. Bonds are stronger than blood. Bonds are stronger than blood.

They were his dying words, and I hated him for them, because I had no idea what he meant. I pressed a kiss to his brow before burying him. Much to the pack’s dismay, I did it alone. Then I shifted and let out a lonesome howl. One that was answered by the pack in the distance.

I jolted upright so aggressively from my dreams that I fell out of my bed, my heart thundering. Antoine’s lifeless eyes, his last words, the blood on my hands. It was all so vivid.

I rushed to the bathroom and flung myself into the shower, peeling off my trousers, half expecting to see blood all over them. But no, my clothes were pristine. Still, I couldn’t stop scrubbing my hands. I remained in the shower with cold water beating down on my head until my skin was reddened and raw.

Eventually I returned to my bedroom, luckily having avoided rousing anyone from their beds. I lit several candles and dove right back into the history book. For hours I lay there, reading and rereading the texts. Trying to decipher what lay between the lines.

But it was no use.

The history books told others a convoluted truth that painted us as the villains in everyone’s story. Disappointment was an understatement, but I was not entirely surprised. I needed another book. Dammit, I needed to find out more.

The pack would not be happy.

16

NEW POTIONS

AURA

Once I was sitting on my bed with the door bolted and Nidhogg curled in my sheets like a domesticated puppy, I opened my case of medications. I filled a new syringe with the higher dosage of my draft and put the vial away. Pulling my nightgown up to expose my thigh, I took a deep breath and injected the needle into my muscle.

It didn’t hurt any more than usual, but moments later my head swam as I was pouring myself a goblet of blood, and it took a moment for the visual disturbance to pass. Stomach swirling, I rushed to the bathroom, but the sensation passed by the time I crouched before the commode. As the day went on, the ache spread from my head through the rest of my body.

I resorted to crawling into bed, letting Nidhogg settle on my chest.

At some point, I must’ve drifted off, because the next thing I knew, I was lurching out of bed. My legs hadn’t even woken yet, so I ended up falling onto my knees as a snarl echoed in my mind, a flash of venom-stained teeth sending pain stabbing into my arm and leg.

As always, when this memory resurfaced, the bitemarks in my arm and leg stung. I inhaled shakily, resting my forehead on the backs of my hands as I anchored them against the ground. I swallowed the vomit that rose into my throat.

Maybe I’d made the dose too strong. Or maybe I just needed to get used to it.

A knock came from outside my door, and Irving’s voice came through the wood. “Are you alright in there?”

“Yes,” I said, throwing my voice to sound confident.

“You’re acting very strange lately.”

“Only lately?”

His laughter did nothing to relax me, but I appreciated his humor. He seemed more bogged down than usual. Instead of coming more to terms with his vampirism, he seemed to be experiencing more self-loathing than ever. I suspected my mother’s unpredictable comings and goings had everything to do with it.

This time, she hadn’t mentioned when she was coming back, and I hated the thought of being caught off guard again. It didn’t seem like sleep would find me, and I could still sense Irving’s presence outside of my door, so I pulled myself together and called out to him. “Irving?”

“Yes?”

“Whatever happened to those star-crossed lovers in that book you were reading?”

There was a pause, but when he spoke again, there was no mistaking his excitement. “Oh, so much. You’ll never believe it.”

I pulled my robe on and opened the door to his wide grin. He held up the book and presented me with an expectant look.

“Fine,” I said, rolling my eyes fondly. “You can read it to me.”