Page 163
“It did,” he says. “Everyone acted as if the child proved the marriage was successful. Sofia loved Anya, but she was young, tired, and under pressure from too many people. I saw some of it. I didn’t see enough.”
“Or you didn’t want to.”
His eyes come back to mine. “No,” he says. “I didn’t want to.”
That’s the part that makes me stop.
He doesn’t excuse it. He doesn’t blame tradition or his family or Sofia.
He just says it.
“What did she need from you?” I ask.
“Time,” he says. “Attention. A husband who did the things he said he would, someone who took care of her over the empire his family had years building, and since he was the only one left standing, he didn’t want anything—or anybody to distract him from what he thought was his path. He thought wrong.”
My chest hurts to see him like that. He must feel an enormous amount of guilt about what happened.
“That’s very different from Evan,” I say after a moment.
“Yes.”
“I mean, Sofia sounds like someone who was lonely in a marriage. Evan made sure I was isolated from the rest of my life.”
Nikolai’s jaw tightens, but his voice stays calm. “Yes,” he says. “There is a difference.”
“How did she die?” I ask.
The question is out before I can decide whether I should ask it.
Nikolai doesn’t look offended. That’s almost worse. He only looks at me for a moment, then down at his hands.
“It was an accident.”
I wait.
He’s quiet long enough that I think he might leave it there, and honestly, I would not blame him. Sofia is not a subject I have any right to push. She is not a name I should be touching just because I happened to overhear more than I should have.
Then he says, “We had been arguing that week. She wanted to take Anya away for a few days. Not far. A hotel upstate, I think. Somewhere quiet. She said the house was suffocating her.”
I don’t blame Sofia. The house is beautiful but sometimes it can feel like the walls are closing. I imagine things were worse for her because she was a new mother.
“I said no,” he continues. “There had been threats. Business problems. I told her it was not safe.”
“And she thought you were using safety to control her.”
“Yes.”
“At least you know that now.”
His eyes return to mine. “I knew it then,” he says.
That shuts me up.
He doesn’t look away from me this time. “I knew what it sounded like. I knew why she was angry. I still said no because I was afraid, and because saying no was easier than finding a way to trust anyone else with her safety.”
“What happened after that?”
“She waited until I left for a meeting. Then she took one of the cars and drove herself.”