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Riven knows everything about that horrible fucking night with Kaila. Raithe and Kai only know bits and pieces about what happened. Riven knows how easy it was for me to lose control before. He knows how close I was to rock fucking bottom. He’ll know what I mean and won’t push me to say anything more. Raithe glances at Riven and then narrows his eyes at me.

“What the fuck does that mean, Cal?” Raithe asks, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He knows we’re hiding something from him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“I see,” Riven says, ignoring Raithe. “Did you—”

“Crematory,” I say, interrupting his question.

Even if it’s not the way Riven wanted things to go, he’ll understand that I’ve dealt with it. Raithe tenses at the word, a look of disgust crossing his features for only a second before the anger returns. I guess hearing about your father being burned to ashes isn’t comforting, no matter how big a piece of shit he was.

“Well, I’m so glad that you see,” Raithe starts, glaring at Riven. “And let me guess, you two aren’t going to fill me in on what the fuck is going on here?”

Raithe turns his attention back to me. I look over at Riven for guidance. My best friend’s brother is mere seconds from losing his shit, and I don’t know if I can hold back from kicking his ass this time.

Riven sighs, turning to Raithe. “It’s not your concern, Raithe. Dorian is dead. That’s that. Either way, he was going to disappear. Let’s not pretend he was anything remotely resembling a father anyway.”

“That’s not the fucking point, man,” Raithe says, standing from the sofa. “You two are always keeping shit from me. I’m tired of being treated like a child, Riv. I’m only two fucking years younger than you. I’ll wait outside. I need some air.” Raithe heads for the door, but not before I open my damn mouth.

“Then stop acting like one,” I mumble beneath my breath.

Raithe stops with his hand on the doorknob, turning his head to fix his dark brown eyes directly on me. And if looks could kill …

“Do you want to repeat that to my face, Callum?” Raithe asks, shuffling in place.

“Not particularly,” I say, smirking.

For half a second, I think Raithe might turn around and charge me. Instead, he opens the door and storms out of it, slamming it behind him. Thank fuck. I didn’t particularly want to be the guy who beats the shit out of a man who was just told his father was killed and burned to ash in a fucking crematory.

Riven sighs. “Are you having flashbacks of the accident again?” he asks, speaking freely now that Raithe is out of the room.

“Yeah. I am,” I answer, staring down at my hands in my lap.

Saying it out loud makes me feel like I’ve taken twenty steps backward, like all the work I’ve done to get to this point no longer matters. I fucking hate it. Riven stands, coming over to my side of the sofa and taking a seat next to me. He places his hand on my shoulder, letting me know that he’s there for me.

“Man, I’m so sorry, Cal,” he starts. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m fine. It’s just … shitty, is all. I’ll manage.”

I decide not to tell him about the music box or Lydia. I’ve already dragged Riven out of his house and away from Sloane; I don’t want to stress him out with all of this. I’ll tell him another time or deal with it on my own. I’ve already done enough, and I don’t have the energy for anything more tonight.

“Alright. But if you need to talk or need anything at all, let me know,” he says.

I nod, knowing he means every word of it. It’s another reason I’m hesitant to involve him further. He’d dedicate every waking moment to figuring this out, and that would inevitably draw him away from the happy bubble that he and Sloane have found themselves in. Riven deserves to be happy, for once, without all the noise. If I can give that to him, then I will.

“How’s Kai?” he asks.

“He’s fine. He was shocked, but handled it well, all things considered,” I say, leaving out the part where I lost my shit on him.

“Thanks for bringing him. I know it meant a lot to him.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” I say. There’s a long silence before he stands.

“Well, I’m gonna head out now. I know this wasn’t the plan, but don’t worry about Dorian. It’s done. It’s probably for the best. And let’s be honest, if I didn’t promise Sloane otherwise, I’d have killed him myself.”

I look up at him, nodding in agreement. It doesn’t stop the feeling inside of me from trying to eat me alive, though. It’s the loss of control that has me on edge. It’s the sensation of my mind slipping from my grasp. If I can’t control my mind, how can I trust myself at all? How do I know what’s real, and what isn’t?

“Alright, man. I’ll see you later,” Riven says, heading for the door.

“Riv,” I say, stalling him as he turns to face me. “I’m … sorry.”