Page 148

Something to be proud of.

Something I still have.

“Good.” Jude finally lets go of me and takes a few steps back.

He nods toward the fire. “S'mores?”

I smile. “Absolutely.”

CHAPTER 14

Eleonora

I stare at the urn on my kitchen island a week later, and my mind travels back to the hospital.

Damiano is lying in his bed, trying to reassure me after his panic attack, while I do everything I can to avoid thinking about the big, fat elephant in the room with us.

Death.

“Take me home, every home I've ever had. One here in Chicago, you choose where. Then go to Lander. Promise me you'll visit it and get to know the Hawthornes. You'll know where to set me free there. And then, whenever you're ready, I want one part to go back home to Sicily. I want you to see it, Nora. The sea, the food, the house I grew up in, and my nonna on my mother's side… my cousins, my aunt.”

“And the fourth part?” I ask, a knot forming in my throat at the thought of him reduced to mere ashes.

I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to imagine a world where Damiano is no longer here, where all that's left of him is something I can hold in my hands. But he needs this, and he has so few choices left. The least I can do is let him decide what happens to him when he's gone.

“You.” He smiles at me, and when I turn towards him, I find his eyes filled with tears. “I used to think I belonged in multiple places. Sicily, Lander, Chicago… but when I met you? I knew home wasn't a place. Home was you.”

I swallow against the ache in my throat and throw my arms around him.

“I love you,” I say, strangled and broken.

“I love you so much,” he answers.

The coffee pot gurgles, pulling me back to the present, and I wipe the tears from my cheeks.

Today isn't going to be easy, but I want to walk through this instead of continuing to avoid it. Jude said he'd come over at ten. The others are meeting us at the ranch, and from there, we'll all head to the treehouse together.

Everyone is coming.

When Jude told me yesterday, I started to cry because it's absolutely what Damiano would have wanted.

I pick up the urn, but my hands immediately start shaking.

“Fuck.”

I put it back down and grip the edge of the island, forcing myself to take a breath.

I'm okay. I can do this.

I want to do this.

A knock sounds at the door, and I frown as I glance at the clock. Jude is early.

Of course he is.

I wipe my palms against my jeans and walk towards the door.

“You're twenty minutes—”