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But there is only silence.

A terrible, loud, ugly silence.

And another sob tears out of me.

“Daddy.”

The word comes out broken, like when I was ten and woke from a nightmare and needed my dad to hold me.

I lift my head from Damiano’s chest and look at my father.

Somehow, he looks broken too.

“Daddy, I can’t do this.”

I turn away from Damiano’s body and throw myself into my father’s arms.

My father hugs me tighter as I cry and scream and beg for the pain in my chest to stop.

Where are you, vita? I can’t feel you here anymore! But there is no answer, and the pain doesn’t stop.

It won’t.

And maybe it never will.

CHAPTER 4

Eleonora

Day One - diary entry.

I brought some of your bags home without you today…

How weird is that?

People kept coming over. They all wanted coffee, so I made coffee. Chiara brought wine… of course she did.

Every time someone used the bathroom, I went in afterward and sanitized everything.

Because people bring germs.

And germs could kill you.

Then Mamma gently took the sanitizer out of my hands.

The look on her face made me stop.

Who the hell was I sanitizing for?

Germs couldn’t kill you anymore.

You’re already dead.

How crazy is that?

Apparently I started throwing bottles of sanitizer at the walls. I don’t remember much after that. I remember Mamma crying and making me drink a glass of water. She told me the doctor had given her something that would help me sleep.

I didn’t want to sleep.