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My Roommate Is Trying To Kill Me

Page 65

by Maya-Gawonii Shabazz-Saleh

Hakeem sat in the armchair. Not because Antonio told him to. Because his legs had decided independently that proximity was non-negotiable.

They sat in the front room without talking for a while. The light outside had dimmed into the blue-gray of early evening, and the lamp was doing its best to make the room feel smaller than it was. Antonio leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. He looked, for the first time since Hakeem had moved in, like a man who might not have all the answers. Like someone carrying a project that was heavier than he let on, and a phone call that had reminded him of the cost.

Hakeem watched him and felt the theory loosen another notch.

This was the part that frightened him most. Antonio, sitting five feet away, looking defeated in the lamplight, was harder to metabolize than any of the warnings in Hakeem’s notes app. Danger had a shape Hakeem could work with. It was dramatic and legible and gave him a clear enemy to push against. But this was just a person. Tired and possibly in trouble with someone who expected better, faster, or different work, and sitting with it the way people sat with things they couldn't fix as quickly as someone might like.

Hakeem wanted to say something useful. He wanted to offer the kind of small, competent kindness that Antonio had offered him on the porch the night of the understudy disaster—the shoulder nudge, the plain encouragement, the way Antonio made caring feel like efficiency rather than vulnerability.

Instead, he said, "Do you want me to order food?"

Antonio opened his eyes. "You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to. I'm offering because you look like you'd forget to eat if left unsupervised."

The ghost-smile came back, slightly more present this time. "That's probably accurate."

"Thai?"

"Whatever you want."

"That's dangerously open-ended."

"I trust your judgment."

Hakeem looked at him. The sentence was simple and plainly meant. Antonio trusted his judgment about takeout. Something about the way he said it made Hakeem feel it in a place that had nothing to do with dinner. Antonio was unguarded, too tired to construct the usual careful distance.

He pulled out his phone and ordered from a place on Sunset that Layla had introduced him to, because focusing on pad see ew was preferable to focusing on the man across the room who had just become, without warning or permission, someone Hakeem wanted to take care of.

They ate on the couch with the containers between them and the television off. Antonio ate slowly, without commentary, which was its own kind of vulnerability from a man who usually seasoned every interaction. Hakeem talked enough for both of them—a story about a customer who tried to order a drink "telepathically," which got a quiet laugh that Hakeem felt in the tips of his fingers. A complaint about the parking situation on their block that turned into a digression about whether the city had ever actually paved their street or just gestured at it. Antonio listened with his whole face the way he always did, but tonight the listening looked less like study and more like relief, as if Hakeem's voice was the first sound all day that didn't require anything from him.

They cleaned up without coordinating it. Hakeem collected the containers. Antonio folded the napkins with an attention to geometry that Hakeem filed under endearing and clinical. They moved around each other in the small front room with the ease of two people who had learned each other's spatial rhythms without discussing it, which was either domestic or diagnostic, depending on which version of Antonio Hakeem was willing to believe in.

Antonio was heading toward the stairs when he paused.

Hakeem was putting his shoes by the door. He looked up.

Antonio stood with one hand on the banister, half-turned, his face partially in the shadow of the stairwell and partially in the last reach of the lamp. He looked like himself again—composed, watchful, difficult to read. The tired, unguarded version from the couch had been folded away and replaced with something more familiar.

"Hakeem," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Were you home earlier today? Before lunch."

The question arrived with the precision of a single pin being placed on a map.

"I went straight to meet Layla."

Antonio nodded. His expression did not change. His eyes stayed on Hakeem's face for one beat—not searching, exactly, but holding still in a way that suggested he was comparing what Hakeem had just said against a fact he already possessed.

"Hm," he said.

Then he went upstairs.

Hakeem stood by the door with one shoe still in his hand and his heartbeat loud enough to hear in his teeth.

Chapter Seven