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“Have you texted him?”

“No.” It had only been three days. Three days of missing him. Three days of wondering if he was thinking about me. I didn’t have much doubt about that. He was. Like me, the baby had to weigh heavily on his heart.

“If stubborn and stupid were Olympic sports, you’d be taking home gold.” Holly wasn’t one to play nice when she thought she was right. I knew she was worried, but I wasn’t wrong.

“I’m glad we can agree that I’m good at something.”

“Call him.”

“Stop. I know this is for the best. I don’t need you to fight with me. I know I’m right. He isn’t ready for a baby any more than I am. But I’m pregnant. I don’t have a choice. I’m not going to force him into a relationship so he can realize six months from now that we can just co-parent. I’m getting ahead of the inevitable.”

“I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait,” she snapped. “Fine. Even if he wasn’t looking for something serious, he’s shown he wants to be here for you. Let him.”

“I can’t. Hol, I’m in love with him, but I know me. One day, I’m not going to wake up and life will look any different than it does now.” Except it had—I put my hand to my belly—from the moment I’d learned I was pregnant. “I’m a mess. Why would he sign up for this?”

“You can win the argument in your head, but you’re still monologuing. He signed up for it the day he put you on the back of his bike. And he’s been showing up every day since.”

Not every day. I hadn’t heard from him since Friday night. “Can we fight about something else?”

She sighed into the phone. “I’m not fighting with you. I’m helping you understand why you’re wrong.”

“Okay. I’m wrong. But since I’m the one who has to live with the consequences, you don’t get a vote.” I grabbed a soda cracker and chomped into it.

“Are you eating saltines?”

“Oh god, don’t start. My stomach is unsettled. I’m pregnant, not depressed.” Maybe a little depressed.

“Fine. You’re happy being unhappy. But I’m not going to let you sit in the house and stare at the walls. Let’s go to dinner tomorrow. My treat. I have a reservation at Tuscany.”

“You can’t already have a reservation if you just asked me.”

She huffed a breath. “Don’t worry about it. Are you coming on your own, or am I going to drag you kicking and screaming?”

“I can’t. I’m meeting with my lawyer and Jeff’s parents after work. Their lawsuit was dismissed. The house is mine. I don’t know what they want, but it’s going to be the last time I meet with them.”

“My reservation isn’t until seven. You’re going to need someone to talk to after facing those assholes. I’d say someone like your boyfriend, but since you’re digging in, you get me and lobster risotto. We’ll celebrate, that after tomorrow, you can go no contact without feeling guilty.”

I agreed, but the next day, after the meeting, I wasn’t ready to go no contact with Jeff’s family. Not yet. They had one final offer, and this one was harder to turn down. Because I had a little time before meeting Holly, I headed over to the cemetery. Gray clouds darkened the sky, and a drizzle sprinkled my windshield.

A few rows over, a tent protected a recently dug grave. I remembered the day Matti and Jeff were buried. Sometimes, the memories were so surreal, like I wasn’t really there. Sometimes, I wondered if that was really my life. I felt like a prop, just watching the world go on without me.

I could hear Jeff in my head. I think he’d be sorry he hurt me. Maybe he just didn’t know how to tell me that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. Maybe he stayed with me because he wasn’t willing to lose Matti.

I didn’t get out of the car as my view of the grave distorted with the light rain blurring the glass. I’d spent nearly two years coming to the grave, angry with Jeff and grieving them both. But they weren’t here. Tears slipped onto my cheek. They were gone. I hated this.

“I’m scared,” I whispered, more to Jeff than to Matti. “I’m afraid to love him.” But I’d fallen ridiculously and completely for him. Since last night, and talking with Holly, my heart felt as if it had been shattered into a million broken pieces.

I wanted to be with Brett. I didn’t want to be afraid of loving him. But I didn’t know how to let go of the paralyzing fear. And I was scared of being alone. I put my hand on my belly. I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

The rain pattered against the car. With the clouds darkening, I left the cemetery and drove to Tuscany.

Holly was waiting for me in the bar area of the restaurant. She stood when she saw me and gave me a hug.

“You look terrible.”