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“I am,” I whispered. “I think I was always meant to be yours.” This was my husband. Tattoos and temptation. Sex and sin. I was his, and he was mine.
Muscles tensed, his neck stretched, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. Veins bulged in high relief on his arms as he tightened his hold on me. He held me close and came, soaking my core and marking me with his scent and his love and his kisses.
My ragged breaths blended with his sharp gasps. His fingertips trailed over the slope of my breasts, slipped along the gathered fabric of my wedding dress, and glided over the curve of my belly.
Our baby moved against his palm. Silence stretched between us. Neither of us was able to look away, wanting to memorize this moment. Tomorrows weren’t promised, but we’d cherish today, honor our vows, and build a life together. I was going to love him like we had forever.
His palm roamed over my belly. He talked about karma, and how he had a lot in his life to atone for. But maybe he’d been on a path to me because I needed him. Maybe I’d been on a path to him, because, even with my grief, I’d discovered I could be happy. “I love you.”
“I love you more.” He bent and used a tissue to clean between my legs before tugging my panties up my thighs. It was a good thing because I couldn’t see my pussy anymore.
“I’ll be down in a minute,” I said. “Find Lili, I want to give her our gift.”
Brett tucked his dress shirt back into his slacks, tugged on the matching suit vest, and adjusted his tie. The suitcoat he’d worn for the ceremony at the courthouse, and the photos after, had come off hours ago. He looked so good, and I was a bridal beach balloon. Eight months pregnant, and I couldn’t see my feet, either.
He kissed the side of my neck, where he’d already left a couple of faint hickeys. They’d fade before the start of the school year when I wouldn’t be Miss Jaymi anymore. My heart skipped a beat because I’d be Mrs. Steele for the rest of my life.
I fixed my hair, straightened my dress, grabbed the small box from my dresser, and tucked it into the pocket before leaving the room. The bedroom across the hall from the master had been converted into the nursery. But not everything about how I pictured us all living together had turned out as I expected. Somethings were better.
And some things were still hard. When I thought back to that day, when we’d almost lost Lili. We’d brought her here. She’d seen Matti’s room, and as any six-year-old would, she believed the room to be for her.
I thought I’d be upset. I’d made that room into a shrine to mourn what I’d lost. But seeing Lili in my little girl’s room had begun to heal my heart. We made some changes because there were things of Matti’s I’d never be ready to let go of. I’d saved them in a special chest in my room.
When I’d shown Lili pictures of Matti, I’d cried, and I’d told her my baby was still resting. That special little girl had wrapped her arms around me and cried with me. Brett and I had waited until after the school year to tell her she was going to be a big sister. It was hard enough keeping us a secret.
I paused at the threshold of Lili’s room. The glitter unicorn was now a collage of glitter bugs. Shelves once filled with horses and books, now held two terrariums. One with Taco from my classroom for the summer break, and the other housed a hermit crab named Claw-dia. The ant farm was in the garage. And she was hard at work trying to convince her dad we needed a fishtank in the living room.
Natalie stood at the window. I entered the room, sat on the canopy bed, and stroked my hand over a sleeping Pillar. The cat stretched and began to purr.
Pillar was another not-so-great mother moment for Natalie. She’d rehomed Lili’s cat and then lied to her. I guess we all told lies to get what we wanted. I’d lied to myself enough times.
We’d all come a long way. It wasn’t easy, but Natalie was trying. Brett had taken Caydee a new kitten when he’d gone to get Pillar back for Lili.
“He was never Brett when he was with me,” Natalie said. “Maybe that’s why we were never right together.” She stared down at the people celebrating our wedding. “The Crawler I was married to never put his family first. He didn’t talk to his parents or his sister.” She glanced over her shoulder at me. “I haven’t seen him happy in a long time.”
I hauled me and my belly off the bed and waddled to the window. “We don’t know the same man.”
Brett stood with my brother and dad. He laughed and drank a beer. His sister had come for the wedding. She sipped a glass of wine and spoke with Holly’s boyfriend. Brett’s friends had become my friends. And my family had become his family. One day, I hoped his parents would come around. I smiled. I knew they would. We had their grandchildren.
The reception masqueraded as a backyard barbecue and pool party. White paper lanterns hung from the trees. Hana, Levi, Pippa and the other girls from the MC danced to music. Food filled the banquet tables, and Torch and Blade stood by the smokers. The scent of brisket saturated the air. My stomach growled. And just like a Friday night at the MC, there were Hellers everywhere.
“I’m sorry for what I put him through.” She glanced at me. “He’s changed. He’s a better father than I am a mother.”
“I don’t think that’s fair.” They’d both made mistakes. They both could move forward. For Lili, they had to.
She turned away from the window. “I never would’ve given him a second chance the way he did me.”
“He’s never lied about who he used to be. It’s not wrong to want to protect your child.” But it had been hard to forgive her for the lies. I wasn’t ready to trust her. I wasn’t sure Brett ever would be, which was why Lili lived with us. We received full custody with their divorce settlement. Brett had her passport, and we had securities in place. Supervised visitation for now. It was the only way Brett would agree to drop the Protective Order that had been made permanent after the TRO. Seems the court took parent alienation and attempted abduction seriously.
But she was Lili’s mom, and I wasn’t trying to take her place. I wanted her to be there for every important milestone in Lili’s life. It was important Lili never felt like she had to choose between the love of her father or the acceptance of her mother. That was why Natalie was here today.
“Ready to go eat?” I asked her.
Natalie glanced around the room. “I can see why she loves it here.”
I didn’t reply because I didn’t need her approval. She didn’t know that I’d been haunted by this house after losing Jeff and Matti. But that Brett and Lili were my home. Glitter bugs and a pink canopy bed weren’t the reasons Lili wanted to be here. Lili had been happy in the back bedroom of the MC. Like me, all she needed was her dad.
“Are you going to let her call you Mom?”