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“Heller Raiders.”

“I’ve seen them in Roosters a few times. Intimidating doesn’t seem like a big enough word.”

“That wasn’t the only thing big,” I mumbled just as the server arrived with a basket of breadsticks and took our order.

“How big?”

“God-tier.”

“Lucky bitch.”

I grabbed a breadstick. “I’m surprised I’m not walking with a limp. I have rug burns on my knees and whisker burns on my boobs.”

Holly moaned like she understood the experience. But she should have flinched because the abrasions had burned like fire in the shower this morning.

“Bring him to Roosters so I can buy him a drink. Remember the three, three, three dating rule.” She grabbed a breadstick and pointed at me with it. “Three days for a vibe check. Three weeks to watch for red flags. Three months to decide if you want more. So don’t fuck this up. When are you going to see him again? It needs to be within three days.”

When I didn’t answer, she tapped her fingers on the table.

“I’m not going to see him again. Don’t,” I snapped before she could scold me. “Last night was just the escape I’d needed. I’d gone to the cemetery. I was feeling like shit, and it’s like fate said, here’s a distraction.” I took another bite of breadstick. “I won’t see him again.”

She smirked. “Yeah, you will when he comes to the school for Lili. Then, you’ll remember his big dick.”

And his soft lips, hard muscles, and his filthy words. “Yesterday was the first time he’d been in my classroom since the start of the school year. I don’t think I need to worry. Even if he was interested in more than one night, I’m not.”

Holly lowered her menu again. “I know what losing Matti has done to you. I get it, and you know I’m going to be here for you. But you can smile again without betraying her memory. It’s okay to be happy. It’s okay to move on from Jeff and still grieve Matti.”

“But not with Lili’s dad. What’s wrong with me? I could lose my job if anyone found out.”

“There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing that can’t be explained by all the shit you’re going through. It’s not hard to keep a secret.” She smiled around a bite of breadstick. “Just keep your mouth shut—unless it’s to blow him.”

“Oh god. Sometimes, I think karma is out to get me,” I said.

“It’s not karma. It’s fate. Karma is coming around, and when it does, I’m going to have a front row seat for it. What’s going on with the lawyers?”

“I have a mediation meeting Friday with his side piece. Daniel, my attorney, is worried.” Dan had been honest from the beginning. Jeff’s girlfriend had no claim to his life insurance, but his child did. “His policy specifically listed me and Matti as his beneficiaries but with a caveat that the policy would be amended to provide for our future children. Mediation is supposed to give us time to come to a fair compensation rather than letting the courts decide. She’s also suing for child support out of the estate. It’s messy.”

“So messy.” Holly pushed the basket of bread to the side.

I folded and unfolded a napkin. “I hate this,” I whispered.

“I know.”

“Maybe I should settle with her. She’s going to get something because Jeff has an obligation to the little girl. The little girl shouldn’t suffer because I hate her mother.”

“He’s dead. The home-wrecking bitch can go to the Social Security Administration and get Jeff’s social security until the little girl is eighteen. She fucked around with a married man. He owes child support but he’s not here to pay it. Not your fault, and not your problem.” Holly lowered her voice. “Don’t for one minute think about giving up without a fight.”

I had to fight. If Astrid— God, I hated her name. If Astrid had her way, I’d be moved out of my house, and she’d be moved in. I didn’t want to think about everything she wanted, what she felt entitled to. I’d lost so much, and she wanted the rest.

Once our food arrived, the conversation drifted to the bar where Holly worked and a guy she connected with on one of her dating apps. “We’re in the talking stage. He doesn’t want to meet, yet. I get the feeling he’s hiding something.”

“If you don’t trust he’s telling you the truth, you should move on.”

“I can’t. His voice turns me on. At first, I thought it was because he wouldn’t look like his pictures. He’s hot by the way.” She rolled her eyes. “We’ve had a couple dates over video call, and he looks better than his photos. I figure he’s either playing it cool, or he’s exploring other options. Although that one seems less likely. And his chat in bed is killing me. How am I having the best sex of my life and it’s over the phone?”

“We need to talk about something else.” Because last night was already living on repeat in my mind, and I didn’t need another situation to obsess about.

We chatted as we finished dinner, and then we left.