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JAMES
Fumbling with the guitar in my hand, I hummed, letting my feelings out through the music. It’d been a hectic day, so having a moment to myself after closing the store felt good.
Kinsley’s rejection still had me reeling and scrambling to sort everything out in my head. Music was the only thing that gave me a sense of peace—a place where I could lay out all of the emotions I kept a tight hold on otherwise.
It was a safe space. So, when my brother approached me over a year ago with the idea of us investing in a store together, I jumped at the chance—secretly. There was a big enough rift in my family and Judah and my father’s relationship was just as strained as the one between my parents.
Pop made it clear when we were younger that anything music-related would never get his approval, especially as a chosen career. He was too much of a stickler and as straight-laced as they came, a trait he’d passed down to me. I kept my passions under wraps to keep the peace, but there were moments, like now, when music was what I needed to keep my sanity.
Judah, on the other hand, didn’t give a fuck. He did what he wanted, and if his relationship with Pop suffered for it, then so be it. He was a drummer for both a local church, and a band, and surprisingly made damn good money doing it. Thanks to the following he’d built on social media, when celebrities rolled in for concerts, he’d even get a call or email about auditioning for a spot when they used live bands.
My brother never worried about the future. Shit, he rarely worried about his next hour. Judah lived for the moment, something I’d find myself jealous of at times.
“Damn, I thought you’d forgotten how that thing worked,” the brother in question joked, stepping into the office we shared whenever I made time to visit the store. “It’s been a minute since I’ve seen you with it.”
I laughed, setting the guitar aside. “I see you got jokes.”
“Just making observations,” he grunted, sinking into the chair behind his desk. “What are you still doing here?”
“Didn’t feel like being in the crib. I’m surprised to see your face at all since your black ass never made it in today like you were supposed to.”
Shrugging, Judah shot me a sheepish grin. “What can I say? Something came up. But I figured since you looked out and handled everything today, I could wrap up the deposit tonight. I wasn’t expecting you to still be here. I’m surprised you’re not with Kins. Aren’t newly engaged couples always up each other’s asses?”
Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on top of my knees, deciding to rip the Band-Aid off finally and fill him in. “I don’t know, bruh. You’d have to find a newly engaged couple and ask them. Kins said no.”
The smirk on Judah’s face slowly disappeared as my words set in. “You serious?”
Normally, my brother knew everything that happened in my life almost immediately. But I hadn’t said anything to him about the break-up because I still couldn’t believe it myself. Thankfully he wasn’t the pushy type and didn’t always feel the need to be in the know, which gave me a little time to deal with my shit before talking to him about it.
“You, of all people, should know that’s not something I’d play about.”
Frowning, he became increasingly animated. Bringing his hands together, he asked, “You good?”
“As good as I can be, I guess.”
I wasn’t sure how I felt. Heartbroken wasn’t the best descriptor, but damn if I didn’t feel something.
“What was her reason for turning you down?”
Sitting back, I let the embarrassing ass scene from the night before replay in my head. “I only stayed put long enough for her to express that she felt unfulfilled.”
“Unfulfilled?” Judah repeated. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Shaking my head, I stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t know. And right now, I don’t even care. It is what it is.”
“Before you start acting like yourself and disconnect from the world to internalize the bullshit, are you sure you don’t want to know where this came from?”
“Not everyone has the luxury of being an emotional wild card,” I quipped.
“I bet my emotional ass wouldn’t have left the restaurant without getting a solid explanation, though, smart ass. Now focus. Y’all were just good last week when we all went to dinner, so I’m having a hard time understanding how things shifted that quickly.”
“Let her tell it; it’s something she’s been feeling for a minute. I guess she waited so long to say something to spare my feelings.”
“There’s entirely too much that you’re guessing about. If you’re going to go from happy couple to broken up, don’t you at least think you should have a full conversation to close things out?”
“Ain’t nothing to talk about, Jude. She’s not changing her mind.”
“You don’t know that, though,” he paused, studying me for a second. “Unless you don’t want her to change her mind.”
