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“Taking my newest friend's advice, I decided to stop allowing myself to feel like a failure and quit shying away from my gift. I’m doing a spoken word for the first time in months next week.”
“That’s what’s up.” Pride surged through me as I finished up two sandwiches for each of us. “What day and time?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I want to be there.”
Her cheeks flushed red as I sat the plates down on the table, retrieving two bottles of water.
“You know that you don’t have to do that, right? I mean, I don’t want you to feel obligated to—”
“We’re grown. I know that I’m not obligated to do shit. But I also care about you, and I show up for the people that I care for,” I interrupted, claiming the seat across from her. “I don’t need you to keep giving me all of these speeches. Just let me be there the way I want to be there.”
“And what happens when I start to grow used to you being there, and then one day you’re not. This is a two-way street, you know?”
“Have I given you a reason to anticipate something like that happening?”
“No,” she admitted, reaching for the water bottle. “But we’re also new to each other. You could be showing me what you think I want to see while waiting around to get whatever it is that you may want from me, only to disappear in the long run.”
I was offended, but rational enough to understand where her fears came from. I couldn’t hold it against her. When you spent so much time with someone who used you for their own personal agendas, it was easy to become paranoid and consumed by the idea that everyone was out to get you.
“I don’t want anything from you, Nyx. And I’m sure you know by now that I’m not that type of nigga. You get a pass this time around but don’t make it a habit. It’s offensive as fuck.”
“It’s offensive for me to tell you how I feel?” That nose twitch of hers made an appearance.
“No. I’m always down for you expressing yourself. But don’t put a narrative on me when I haven’t given you a reason to. That’s the shit that's insulting.”
“So basically, wait for you to fuck this friendship up, before calling you out about fucking up. Got it.”
My eyes widened, and just as I got enough breath to tell her about herself, her plump lips twisted into a playful smirk. “Relax, sheesh. I was just joking.”
“Stop playing with me, Nyx,” I frowned, biting into my sandwich.
“You looked like you were about to blow a damn gasket. I didn’t know you had a stress vein in your forehead.”
“I didn’t until I met you.”
That made her laugh harder, forcing a smile out of me. “Next Friday. 9pm. Don’t be late.”
“I’ll be there early just to make you feel even worse about doubting me.”
I winked at her, and we grew silent, practically inhaling the food. After we tossed the plates and got settled in the living room, Nyx hit me with a random request.
“Okay, I have a question. Feel free to say no if you want. In no way do I want you to feel obligated.”
“Ah hell,” I groaned. “Here we go.”
Frowning, she tapped my forearm with the palm of her hand. “Don’t do that.”
“What’s up, Nyx?”
“Well,” the corners of her mouth turned up. “I think that since you’re going to see me in my element, I should get to see you in yours.”
“Which means?”
“I don’t know,” she spread out across the couch dramatically. “Play or sing something. I want to see the side of you that you keep under lock and key.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I grimaced. “I ain’t gonna lie, Nyx. You’re asking for a lot.”