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The care he took with my feelings made me even more open to the idea of discussing things with him.

Clearing my throat, I tucked my legs beneath me. “When I look back on it, I realize there were a lot of things that Shane, my ex, lacked in our relationship. But, I was so smitten by him back then that I never picked up on it. Now that we’re separated and the dust has settled, I realize that he was always every bit of the dickhead he revealed himself to be. I was just too blind to realize it.”

Reaching for a wet wipe, I cracked it open and wiped my hands, falling deeper into the memories of the past.

“I know at times I can come off as cold or callous⁠—”

“Mean,” he interjected, winking playfully.

Wrinkling my nose, I stuck my tongue out at him. “Whatever you say, you jerk. Whichever way you want to define it, I’m just protecting myself. I don’t want to fall back into a space of believing that someone cares about me when they don’t.”

“So your goal is to push everybody away?”

“If you keep people at arm’s length, you don’t have to worry about them being close enough to be pushed away.”

“I get the concept to a certain extent. I’ve done the same thing. At least when it comes to music. That’s how I know what a lonely existence it is when you can’t be yourself. Or when you have accomplishments but look around, and there’s no one there to celebrate with.”

The truth of his words stung. I loved my family and Rae, but they had their own lives, and there were days when they couldn’t always be present. It would be nice to have another person to call on, but my heart wasn’t open to believing that there was anyone else out there that I could trust.

Until Jamie came along.

“I know you’re right, but I just—” shaking my head, I brought my hands together. “The night I found out Shane was a cheater, Rae and I went to his house. I didn’t have a plan or intentions to do anything other than see with my own eyes that he was a cheater. I’m not sure what made me do it, but I went to the door. His wife answered, and I could tell that she was just as in the dark about what happened as I was. Shane appeared behind her just a few seconds later, and funny enough, it wasn’t the situation that made me snap.

His concern for her and her feelings was what did it. I spent a year with his man, after dating for a few months before entering a relationship. I’d given him some of the best parts of me, and when it came down to the wire, he dismissed me and my feelings as if they didn’t matter. Like I was nothing. I lost it. My hands were reserved for him, but she fucked around and got involved. They both got their asses beat, and I ended up arrested for assault.”

Jamie slid down to the floor, cuffing the back of my calves to pull me closer to him.

“I guess that explains the lawyer, huh?”

“Yeah,” I nodded slowly. “I was all set to take my punishment like a big girl, but Shane’s wife started making all of these wild accusations, saying that I attempted to harm her daughter and so many other crazy things. And he backed her up.” There was more to the story, but I wasn’t ready to bring myself to reveal the final and worst way Shane betrayed me. “Someone that I loved, that swore he would always have my back, discarded me like I was nothing.”

“That has everything to do with him, Nyx,” Jamie replied gently, brushing my hair out of my face. “Not you.”

“I’m the one who decided to be with him.”

“Based on who he presented himself to be. If the nigga walked up on you, confessed to having a kid and being married, would you have still dated him?”

I snorted. “Fuck no.”

“Then it sounds like ain’t shit wrong with your decision-making to me. People are going to do what they want. Whether they want to wake up and do right or take their insecurities and personal issues out on those around them, it’s their decision. Sometimes we get caught in the crossfire, and it’s hard not to blame ourselves for what they do.”

Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I hesitated before blurting, “Can I ask you a question? Feel free to tell me if I’m being too personal.”

“I think we’re way past the personal boundary at this point, Nyx,” Jamie chuckled. “But go ahead.”

“How did you handle your break-up so calmly? Sometimes it seems as if it doesn’t affect you at all.”

His eyes narrowed, and there was an unmistakable tick in his jaw as he clenched his hands, gently applying pressure to the back of my calves. “It does affect me,” Jamie finally replied. “It bothers me that things ended how they did. But I’ve spent my entire life perfecting the art of compartmentalizing and picking and choosing when to allow myself to feel things.”

“That doesn’t sound healthy.”

“Growing up the way I did, it was the only option. My dad is a military man through and through. In his eyes, if you’re hurt, suck it up until you’re not. My mom was a bit better with it, but even then, he’d get on her about ‘babying men’.”

My heart went out to both him and his brother. I may have handled things irrationally at times, but it was because I was raised to always make my feelings clear and ensure that my voice was heard. I couldn’t imagine the walking hurricane I’d be if I couldn’t express myself.

It was no wonder that Jamie loved music as much as he did. It was his only escape.

“That sounds so horrible.”