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I wasn’t crazy enough to think I was fully healed, but it was a work in progress. And believe me, once I’d officially made it through the storm, I wouldn’t be looking back.

My phone lit up on the nightstand, claiming my attention as I screwed the lid closed on my tube of lipstick. Groaning, I debated whether or not to answer upon realizing my mother was calling. We hadn’t spoken in a few days, so I knew it was likely just a check-in, but she had a way of ruining a mood unlike anyone else, and I didn’t want to run the risk of her putting a damper on my night before it got started. Still, she’d likely continue calling until she got an answer, so I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with.

“Hey, Ma,” I answered swiftly, switching the call to speakerphone.

“Hey, my baby,” I could practically see her beaming on the other end. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m good, how are you?”

“I’m fine. I just wanted to call and hear your voice. You haven’t stopped by the house recently. Everything okay?”

The little girl in me wanted to giggle and spill all the beans about Jamie and his transition into my life, but the insecure part of me was afraid she’d rain on my parade with negativity. So, I kept it to myself.

“I know. I’ll find a way to get by to see you soon. I’ve been running around like crazy lately.”

“Hopefully, not too crazy.”

“No, Mother,” I replied sarcastically, already knowing where she was going. “I haven’t been doing anything to jeopardize myself or my future.”

“That’s not what I mean, Nyx,” she sighed heavily. “You’re always so defensive.”

“How can I not be, Mama?” I argued, wrinkling my nose. “You always seem to somehow find fault in everything I do.”

“I do not. You’re my child, and I’ll defend you until the day I stop breathing. But defending you doesn’t mean I’ll coddle you when you’re in the wrong.”

A snort escaped before I could catch it. “Right. That’s why you blame me for everything that happened with Shane. It’s my fault he did what he did because I should have chosen better?”

“Nyx, stop it. You’re not to blame for anything that man chose to do. You’re responsible for your actions and your actions alone. I wanted you to understand that because while he’s not worth being pissed on if there was a fire, you allowed him to embed himself into you so deeply that it derailed your entire life. You know better than that. You’re worth more than that. I repeat it to you so much now, so you don’t ever allow someone to come along and make you forget that again. Maybe my delivery comes off wrong, but I mean you no harm, Nyx.”

“Hmm,” I hummed. Stubbornly. “And what about your comments about my job?”

“There’s nothing wrong with bartending. But it’s wrong for you. You had big dreams, my baby. Beautiful dreams that you sidelined when you got knocked down. You know your calling, baby. You're creative and always have been. The beauty you create with words is magic and God-given talent you’re too afraid to touch because things got hard. I hate to be the one to break it to you, honey, but it’ll always be hard. There will always be an obstacle.

“If you let every one of them get you down, you’ll never get where you’re supposed to be. And I damn sure don’t ever plan to let you allow a loser to keep you from achieving your dreams. What have I told you and your brother from the time you were able to understand it?

“Feel your feelings, but don’t let them control you. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off.”

“Pick yourself up and dust yourself off, Nyx,” she repeated. “And don’t you ever allow someone so inconsequential to keep you from your blessings. That’s all.”

Blinking a few times, I exhaled slowly, trying to keep the tears in my eyes from spilling over and ruining my make-up.

“I hear you, Ma. Thank you. And I’m sorry for being so defensive lately.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s natural when you’ve suffered through a situation that’s made you second-guess your judgment. I can admit I haven’t made it easy recently for you to open up to me. That’s probably why you didn’t want us to come to your spoken word and meet that man.”

“Lincoln,” I growled, knowing my brother was the only person who could have spilled the beans. “I’m going to kill him.”

“Oh, hush. He didn’t purposely let it slip, and I won’t ask any more questions until you’re ready to share.”

I skeptically raised an eyebrow but remained silent. I wasn’t sure who my mother thought she was fooling, but it wasn’t me. You couldn’t pay her to keep her mouth shut when she had an opinion.

“Well,” she began, proving me right. “I won’t say anything but this⁠—”

“Mama,” I interrupted.

“Hush now,” I could see her frown as clear as day. “Do not allow one bad decision to cause you to question your discernment. You hear me? Every man is not out to get you. And every man is not like that last one. Keep your heart open, baby girl. Allowing it to remain closed and choosing to be guarded means you still belong to him. Set yourself free and embrace what or who God has in store for you. Okay?”

A soft smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “Okay.”