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“Quit being so hard on yourself,” Rae argued, frowning. What happened last night has nothing to do with you.”
“Doesn’t it, though?” Whirling around, I attempted to muster up the courage enough to allow myself to be as vulnerable as necessary to get my point across. “There has to be a reason why I keep ending up back here. Something that attracts ain’t shit ass men who think I’m only good for—”
“Okay,” Raelynn cut across me. “Let me add my two cents to this thing before it goes too far. There’s nothing wrong with you. And though I do believe in the attraction of energy, that’s not the case with this. Despite Miss Knuck if You Buck throwing a wrench in your dinner last night, you don’t know what Darien’s intentions were toward you, because prior to your little co-worker friend hooking y’all up—”
“You are so jealous,” I interrupted with a snicker.
“Not,” Rae rolled her eyes. “I’m just still not convinced that she didn’t know there was someone in his life.”
Raelynn was as transparent as ever. My friend was one of the most territorial people I’d ever met and hated the idea of someone else threatening her spot.
“Can you let it go, please?” I asked, returning to the food. “And I think it goes without saying that my feelings are less about Darien and more about Shane.”
“That’s understandable. Things are still fresh. It’ll take time for you to get past everything that happened. However, I don’t want you to drown in it. Other people’s actions have nothing to do with you. Shane is a bitch ass nigga seeking whatever validation he’s not getting from home.”
Turning the burner down to low, I covered the pan and joined her at the small kitchen nook of my apartment, finally sampling the wine that had been waiting for me.
“I know I’m supposed to be over it, but I can’t help but wonder how I didn’t see this coming.” The familiar knot that appeared whenever I spoke about my past relationship materialized in my belly. “The man lived a double life for an entire year. How could I have been naïve enough to not see it?”
“You’re taking responsibility for his shit and placing it on your shoulders. It’s not your job to investigate and vet your partner to make sure they’re being honest. Just saying it out loud sounds crazy as hell. As a girlfriend, you did what you needed to do as far as creating a healthy relationship. Health includes trust. It just so happened that your trust was misplaced. No two people are the same.”
Maybe not, but I was the same. If my judgment had been so far off that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me, what the hell would make me believe I could get it right the next time?
Sipping from my glass, I allowed my mind to run over every inch of my past relationship, leaving no stone unturned.
“Stop it,” Raelynn ordered.
“Stop what?”
“You know what. Shane is the past. Leave him in the rearview and focus on the future.”
That was easy for her to say. It was almost as if she’d forgotten that the past was soon to be a very huge deciding factor in my future.
“I can see you aren’t hearing a damn thing I’m saying,” Rae continued, making me laugh. “So, I think this calls for a trip to Staccato after lunch.”
“A woman after my heart!” I teased, finishing off my drink.
“And you know you wouldn’t ever have to worry about me breaking it.”
“Amen to that.”
As we went in for a refill of wine, I found myself growing excited by the idea of a Staccato visit. I was long overdue, to the point where it almost felt like I was having withdrawals now that it was on my mind. And I appreciated my friend’s attempt to prevent me from falling into yet another funk behind the hot mess that was my life.
“You know, I forgot how annoying it is when we come here without a plan,” Rae complained as I moved to yet another box.
One thing that I appreciated about Staccato was its tendency to have rare, or hard-to-find vinyl albums, despite only being open for about seven months. I could spend all day sifting through box after box, waiting for the perfect one to find me versus me trying to find it. The other section of the store housed musical instruments, and I’d heard somewhere that the owner partnered with local musicians to offer music lessons to children who otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford them.
“I don’t know why you’re complaining when you already know how this goes. As soon as I know what I want, we’re out.”
Moving to another row, Raelynn grumbled, “Prayerfully, sometime before I’m 50.”
“Girl,” I laughed to myself. “Go find you some business and leave me alone.”
As I got back into my journey, a catchy cover reeled me in. Lifting it out, I immediately frowned when I realized it was R&B.
“Nope,” I said to myself, dropping it back into the box. “Absolutely the fuck not. Fuck these trifling ass niggas, and fuck love.”
“Damn,” a semi-familiar voice rumbled from behind me. Jumping, I slowly turned, bringing a hand to my chest. I wasn’t too disappointed to recognize the handsome face from my job the night before. “Who hurt your feelings?”
