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“We could even go with you,” my mom suggested, getting a hearty laugh out of me.
“Thanks for the offer, Ma. But absolutely not. I’ve made things a big enough mess as is. I don’t need you four adding on. I’ll handle it.”
And I would. If I didn’t die of anxiety first.
Chapter Thirty
JAMES
The morning of the showcase was turning out to be one of the most hectic mornings of my life. Everything was all over the place, and my nerves were too scattered to process things as logically as I should have.
“Bruh, will you calm down?” Jude laughed through the phone. “Yes, you left the guitar at the store, but I’ll make sure you have it. I’m leaving now. Ma and Pop are supposed to be meeting me there. Just breathe.”
“I’m telling you, me forgetting my damn instrument is a bad omen. I’m not supposed to be doing this.”
“After all that money you paid for that application fee, yes, the hell you are. Drop your balls and pull your shit together, Jamie. I ain’t raise you to be a bitch.”
“You didn’t raise me at all, dumbass,” I laughed.
“Whatever. Pull it together, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Alright, bet.”
I sucked in a deep breath as we ended the call, trying to calm my nerves. My phone pinged in my hand, alerting me that someone was outside my door. My heart nearly fell into my ass when I saw it was Nyx. She raised her fist as if thinking about knocking, then lowered it.
Refusing to allow her to back out, I moved to the door and opened it, surprising her.
“Shit,” she exclaimed, grabbing her chest. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“What’s up? You good?”
“Um,” she licked her lips. “I know this is probably the worst time, and it may have been selfish of me to pick now to do this, but I didn’t want to just show up at the showcase and ruin it for you, in case you hated me.”
Her words came out in a rush, and it was honestly all I could do to keep from laughing. That she thought I would hate her was laughable seeing as how I’d spent every second we’d spent apart missing her.
“And if you do hate me, I completely deserve it.”
“Nyx—”
“I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that, especially without—”
“Nyx—”
“And if you—”
“Nyx,” I said forcefully, successfully ending her rambling. “Listen. I don’t hate you. I wasn’t feeling how easily you dismissed what we’d been building. But hate is the furthest thing from my mind.”
“I know you probably won’t understand why, but I couldn’t put you in a position to choose between me and your mother.”
“Because if you did, you would have run the risk of me choosing her over you, and your heart wouldn’t have withstood another blow like that.”
Nyx opened and closed her mouth, then opened it again. “How did you—”
“Contrary to what you think, my little leprechaun,” I teased, winking as she kissed her teeth. “I’ve listened to everything you told me. I don’t need you to explain your fears to me in detail because your tone and body language when you speak spell out enough. I was bothered that even after all I’ve shown you, you were so quick to believe the worst in me.”
“I know,” she replied. “And the guilt I’ve felt for that, along with feeling like I don’t deserve a man like you, is why it took me so long to reach out to you. But our time apart has shown me that there’s no part of my life I don’t want you around for. I miss you. And I need you. I even wrote you a poem to express it,” she added the last part shyly.
I laughed at that, but not for the reason she’d likely think.
