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The vulnerability of that chokes me, and I have to clear my throat to answer. “Even if I’m different, this retreat isn’t about me. We’re supposed to be talking about Noah and Quinn and their progress.”
“Okay, then, let’s talk about it. Do you think Reignite has been a success for them?”
“I do. They’ve exceeded my expectations.”
“You’re one of the best mentors we have, Beck. I’m not surprised you were able to help them. I’ve seen progress in them as well, and I think if they keep working on their relationship outside of this, they’re going to continue to progress.”
Her words hit me square in the chest, forcing the fears that surfaced yesterday and again this morning to seep out of my skin like oil. My eyes burn unexpectedly, and Hazel must see it because she gets up out of her chair and makes her way over to the couch to sit next to me, her hand falling to my back in comfort.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks softly.
“It’s not important.”
“That means it is important.”
The warmth of her hand and the soothing tone of her voice only serve to bring more emotions I’ve stuffed down to the surface. I blink away the tears and look down at my hands.
“You’ve been doing this job long enough to know that this work we do doesn’t just affect the couples but also us,” Hazel says. “Especially if you get involved with the people you’re working with beyond surface level.”
I meet her gaze. “Is it that obvious?”
Her lips twitch upward. “The three of you gravitate toward each other. And the way you watch them when you think nobody is looking is very telling.”
“I don’t watch them.”
“Oh, Beck, you do. During group exercises, at meals… When the three of you are simply in the same space”—she clears her throat and wags her eyebrows—“you seek them out every time.”
“They are my mentees,” I counter, even though, in my heart, I know she’s right.
“They are, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look at a couple like they mean something to you.”
“All my mentees mean something to me.”
Her smile softens. “I know that. But this is different, and you know it. You’re falling in love with them.”
I blink at my close friend, someone I’ve come to consider family. “It’s only been a week.”
“Something tells me it’s more than that. Am I right?”
I sigh. “You’re always right.”
“Do you want me to pry it out of you, or do you want to talk about it?”
“Noah is my high school ex,” I blurt out before I can think better of it. “Well…” I rub the back of my neck. “Sort-of-ex.”
Hazel sits back and gawks at me. “The one you talked about during our early sessions together?”
“The very one.”
“And you’re just telling me this now?” I hear a hint of hurt in her question that punches me in the gut.
“I’m sorry. I should have immediately told you when I found out he was here. But it’s…” I lean back into the couch next to her, crossing my arms over my chest. “It’s complicated, and everything happened so quickly. I planned to tell you and say they needed a new mentor, but then Quinn insisted it would be fine—that I was the mentor they needed.”
“And you obviously felt the same?”
Before I can stop myself, I’m spilling everything to her. I tell her about meeting Quinn at the bar and confronting Noah the following morning, the moments the three of us had that led to us being intimate together but leaving out the personal details. She listens to every word I say and doesn’t judge me.
By the end of it, her features are filled with understanding, and she squeezes my arm. “It’s not ideal what you did, and I wish you would have told me sooner so I could have supported you, but at the end of the day, you’re three consenting adults. You know this isn’t the first time we’ve had couples and mentors be intimate and see each other down the road. I found my partner during a retreat I attended.”
