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She’d found someone who made her feel amazing. Why get rid of that? Why give up on something if it got tricky? Love wasn’t easy or straightforward. Sinead was ashamed to admit that she’d behaved like her mom and backed away at the first sign of a struggle. She regretted that. She regretted running from Talyn and making him think she didn’t want him. She had to have him in her life. She needed him to know how much he meant to her.
He yawned loudly and scrubbed at his eyes. “They do give great medication in this place. I can sort of feel all those emotions playing across your face, but everything is blunted. It’s all fuzzy and distorted. I might even sleep a little before my procedure.”
“You’re not sleeping until I get you to change your mind. There’s not going to be any procedure.”
“There is. Sinead, our time together was great. You gave me a taste of a different life, and I want that. You can’t give it to me, so things have to be different. I want them to be. I don’t want you here because you pity me or want to ease my pain. I want you here because...” He shook his head and looked away. “It doesn’t matter. It’s too late.”
Sinead tried to grab his hand, but Talyn shifted out of her reach. Anger punched her in the gut. He was not giving up on them. He wasn’t abandoning her. She wasn’t letting him. She reached for his hand again and didn’t give up until she’d caught hold of it. She laced their fingers together and moved closer.
“This isn’t a decision to make alone. I’m not here because I feel sorry for you or any of those miserable little feelings you love to focus on. I get that you’re hurting, and I understand that this is an easy way out. You wipe the slate clean and start again. You forget your concerns. But you also forget me, and you forget everything you care about.”
“I wish you wouldn’t touch me,” he breathed out. “It’s like torture. Even with these drugs in my system, I still feel your energy. I feel us.”
Sinead felt the same. The second she’d grabbed his hand, her fears had subsided, and the emotions swirling around her head had vanished. She’d been left with one clear thought. She loved Talyn. She loved the idea of a future together and how right they were for each other. The way their thoughts tangled and their feelings collided made everything fit. She would not lose him.
“Stop listening to bad emotions.” She moved until their legs touched and rested her shoulder against his. “I was wrong. I hid behind false beliefs because I was too scared to face my reality. I didn’t want to upset my mom, and I didn’t want to believe that the life she leads isn’t all that great and that she’s not happy.”
“I know about your mom,” Talyn said. “Booby looked her up. She’s not in a great place.”
“What are you talking about? My mom’s married to a rich guy, although maybe not for much longer. She’s living a life of luxury on some tropical island. She’s got everything.”
“Your mom has a lot of debt. And all of those divorces she told you about, she’s still married to two of those guys and is battling out a settlement with them that’s costing her thousands.”
Sinead swallowed as that information sunk in. “She never told me about any debts.” She thought back to the money she’d sent her mom. Maybe it wasn’t for rent. Maybe she was paying off court fees. Had her mom been lying to her all this time?
“I understand you love your mom. I love mine, even though she’s not good for me. Sometimes, we can’t help that we love people who aren’t good for us.”
“My mom is good for me,” Sinead said quietly.
“She did some good. She raised a woman with an enormous heart and a kindness in her I’ve never experienced.”
Sinead ducked her head. She’d also raised her to believe that no man was good enough and life was all about having fun and never taking anything seriously. She’d raised her to run at the first sign of trouble and never stick things out. She’d raised Sinead so that, when she found a potentially life changing partner in Talyn, she’d thrown him away at the first bump. What she’d learned from her mom had cost her her happiness with Talyn.
Sinead sighed. It hurt to admit that everything she knew could be wrong. She tightened her hold on Talyn’s hand. Maybe she could learn new rules with him. “I’m not letting you go.”
“You have to.”
Tears threatened, but she blinked them away. “If you do this, you’re also destroying me. We’re a part of each other’s lives.”
Talyn shook his head. “The first day I met you, I thought you were over the top and unstable. All that emotion flaring inside you, it was out of control. You feel so passionately. That won’t be gone when I have the expunge, but you’ll be free of me, and that’s what you want.”
He sounded so final. Sinead’s chin wobbled as fear ran through her. She couldn’t change his mind. She’d lost Talyn. She was too late to make him see he was wrong.
“Sinead, you’re an incredible woman. You’ll make some man so blissfully happy that he won’t be able to see straight.”
“That man can be you,” she said. “Don’t do this. Stay with me. We can deal with this. Tap into what you’re feeling now. Remember when we were on your ship, and we were together, and how amazing that was for both of us. If I was with you every day, you’d always feel like that. We’d be blissfully happy.”
He lifted her hand slowly, turned her wrist to his mouth and kissed the sensitive skin. “I would love that. I would love to be the one to make you happy and make you see that our joining is a good thing.”
“I understand that now. I’m here to say I’m sorry.”
“It’s too late. My mind is too damaged. I should never have visited my mom.” His exhale came out shaky. “Sinead, it was terrible. She’s in such a bad place, and there’s nothing that can be done.”
“If she’s so bad, wouldn’t an expunge help her?”
“She’s too fragile. It would kill her.” His head dropped to his chest. “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. At least, she’d be at peace. She wouldn’t rage inside and live full of conflicting emotions and not know which ones to believe. I’ve talked about this with my sister, and neither of us can make a decision. If we agree to have her expunged, we’re basically agreeing to kill her.”
“I wish I could help her,” Sinead said.