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The ride back home was quiet. Not because I was mad with my son. Mostly because I was processing what I needed to say to him. I knew he’d hurt Shiloh’s feelings, but I was more hurt that I hadn’t sat down and talked to him about how he felt about having her in his life.

My feelings for her hit me like a tornado, and I never took the time to make sure my son was OK with the way things were moving. The quiet in the car was as loud as the radio. Over the past couple months, I’d gotten used to Victor and Theo’s constant debates about the best video games and football teams.

It had only been a few minutes since Shiloh and her sons got out of the car, but I already missed the nonstop talking and laughing from the back seat. There was never a time when I thought the boys wouldn’t get along.

Things seemed to be going so well that I didn’t even realize that Victor didn’t like having Shiloh around. I glanced in the rearview mirror and noticed Victor resting his head on the window with his eyes closed.

I felt like shit for making my son feel like I was putting someone else before him. I cared about Shiloh, but Victor was my number one priority at all times. It was only right that it was just us for the rest of the night.

“How about I make spaghetti instead of picking up something to eat?” I asked, dividing my time between the road and my son’s face.

Seeing his face light up gave me a little hope. I only wanted the best for him. Hopefully, I could make him feel better with a lot of effort.

“Can you make the cheesy toast too?” he asked.

“You can make the toast. I’m pretty sure I have everything we need to make it.”

“OK.”

“Go take shower and get changed. I’ll get started cooking,” I said as we walked through the front door.

Victor headed to his room, and I went straight to the kitchen and took out the ground beef that was thawing in the refrigerator just in case. Once I got the meat on a hot skillet, I chopped up some onions and bell peppers to add to the sauce. I didn’t try to make homemade sauce. I always spruced up one of the jarred ones, and it was just as good.

Once I had everything going, I pulled out my phone and texted my daughter to check in with her. Then I took a deep breath as I called Shiloh, hoping she would answer. I walked to the living room as I listened to the phone ring. I was relieved when her voice came on the other end of the line.

“Hey, sweetheart. I’m sorry about dinner. Can I send something over?”

“It’s fine, Quinton. Me and the boys stopped for burgers and shakes. How is Victor?”

“I don’t know yet. He’s taking a shower while I’m making dinner. I wanted to check on you while I had the chance. I apologize if he hurt your feelings. This is all new for him. I want to sit down and talk to him about his feelings and see where his head is.”

“I understand. If Theo didn’t like you around, I wouldn’t have you around.”

Those words made my chest tight. I didn’t even want to think like that. I was crazy about Shiloh and her sons. They seemed to like me just as much as I liked them. The pushback was coming from my end.

“I miss you and the boys already,” I told her.

“I miss you too, Quinton.”

“Well let me go. I’ll talk to you soon, baby.”

“OK.”

I didn’t know why my heart shattered when Shiloh ended the call. I felt like our connection was fading by the minute. As much as I wanted to pull her closer, I knew I needed to clear the air with my son first. I sat there for a minute wondering what I would say him. Finally, I stood and headed to the kitchen to make a small salad to go with our spaghetti. I looked up as Victor walked into the kitchen to join me.

“Grab the butter and cheese from the fridge,” I instructed.

Following my directions, he went to the refrigerator and removed everything he needed to make his favorite cheesy toast. It was just this herb butter that I liked to buy, and a sprinkle of mild cheddar cheese, but it went well with pasta. We both loved bread and pasta.

“Am I in trouble for being mean to Ms. Shiloh?” he asked once he joined me at the counter.

“Why were you being mean to her, Vick? What’s up?”

“I don’t want her trying to be my mom,” he said, shaking his head.

“She’s not trying to be your mom, Victor. She knows that you already have a mom.”

“Well why is she always around?”