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As You Wake, Break the Shell

Page 52

by Becky Chambers

I regret.

I know.

Is this why this topic is hard for you to share?

Yes. Your guilt overwhelms me. It is too much. It is too big for my mind.

It is difficult, to control the size of what I feel. It is an effort.

I know. That’s all right. I will learn how to ride this feeling, as I do your others.

You will. I know of few other humans but I do not believe there is another who could navigate me as well.

Thank you, Colibri. That is very kind.

Cora, Cora, of my love. I am sorry, I am sorry—

It is not your fault. The only fault is old and beyond us both. It is what is.

But Signy can help you?

Maybe. She is trying to make me a medicine.

This is not allowed, I feel. This medicine. Something in you says this information is not to be shared.

That’s right.

I visit with no other humans. I rarely speak with my others. I will not share your secret.

Warmth and light. I never imagined you would.

Warmth and light. And yes, I feel the prior absence. You did not imagine that I would share a secret. This possibility is unexplored by you.

Yes.

That is good. That is very good. I am pleased to be of your trust.

I trust you implicitly. I trust you with my life.

Signy. Is she of your trust?

I think so.

You doubt.

She is new.

Why does she want to visit me?

I open to you and I share what I have seen of her. A guarded individual. Care. Caution. I think she does not open to many in the way that humans open to one another. But beyond that—perhaps, only perhaps, only an inkling—she harbors a light that brightens when carried into the unknown. She wants to understand how a rorqual is of my love. She’s never met one of you before. And I am trying to shed the doubt you felt. I want to trust her, and for her to trust me.

She will not poke and probe, like the doctor?

No, not at all. She won’t touch you.

What if I want her to? Not poking and not probing, but a hand? A hello?

Surprise. Confusion. Do you want her to?