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“It’s not, but I don’t have to act on it,” I growl. “I’m not going to lay you out on the bench and eat your cunt until you come while screaming my name and I am certainly not going to fuck you. You’re a walking wet dream, but I don’t deserve to touch you like that. I will scrape, apologize, and grovel for destroying your innocence⁠—”

“Draven? You’re giving yourself too much credit,” she says, opening the locker as I stand beside her. “My innocence had been shattered way before I met you. You’ve probably heard the tapes…”

“No.” I shake my head because I haven’t. “Only Ciaran has. He can recite it in his sleep, because he refuses to forget what your voice sounds like.”

“The three of you are insane,” she whispers. Noor pulls her backpack onto her shoulder, and I wonder if she’s decided if she likes our brand of insanity yet or not. Maybe, she will, and she’ll forgive us and decide she’ll want to keep us. “Some of my worst moments exist because you made them happen. However, I’ve been broken for a long time before I ever saw you.”

“I don’t see a broken woman,” I scoff, my fingers rubbing over her hair. The longer I’m near her, the harder it is to stop touching her. “I see one who is going to make me work to earn the right to exist in her space. If you’re broken, you’ve done a damn good job of putting things back together. The broken pieces look like a beautiful, successful woman who is very well loved. The girl I knew in high school was starved for touch and struggled to find the balance between being heard and fitting in.

“Do you really give a shit if you fit in now?”

“Not really, no,” she drawls, as if realizing it. “Emil keeps me under the radar so I can be exactly who I want to be. I live in a really safe area, and my property is secure. You’re right. I’m not broken anymore, I simply found out who I am now.”

“Is there a hole where we used to be?” I ask, knowing I’m probably about to hurt my own feelings. I rub my chest as I sigh. “There’s a hole right here for me. I know we always fought, but I miss seeing you and hearing your voice. When you move, it reminds me of a dance I haven’t heard the melody to yet. Seeing your family gives me bubble guts, but they’re a part of you, and that became part of my contrition for fucking up your life.”

“Oh.”

Yeah. I definitely said too much. I lean forward and brush a kiss against her cheek before walking out of the locker room to rinse off. At this rate, I’ll be lucky if she agrees to see me again.

Noor is gone by the time I get out of the shower and dress, and Tamara tells me that she had to go. Thanking her, I curse myself out as I call a ride share to head to the airport, my duffle bag in hand.

Me

She’s on her way back, Arran.

I shake my head because he probably already knows that. I huff out a breath once I’m in the car, watching the bubbles pop up.

Arran

I’m not sure if I need to punch you or not. It’s probably a good thing you’re headed back to Denver.

Yeah, I definitely fucked this up.

NOOR

Demons, devils, it’s all the same when they’re under my skin. Draven has me out of sorts, because he makes me feel too much. I can see the remorse in his eyes, but I want to see what exists past that.

My body clenches when he touches me, and I don’t understand how he’s managed to stay so obsessed with me for so long.

My head is a mess. I went straight home, crawled into bed alone, and went to sleep, only to dream about Draven. Ugh, I hate my brain.

I’m foggy and tired when I wake up, and very glad that Emil is taking Zayn to school today since he spent the night at his house. I don’t have any real plans today, but I want to get out of the house so I won't overthink last night.

Draven showed me pieces of himself that I’ve never seen before. My fingers touch my cheek where he kissed me and I frown as I think about how careful and controlled he was. The way he decided to deal with the outpouring of emotions he has is to compress it until he can make sure he’s able to direct himself into the proper direction.

The issue with that is I know it’s not sustainable. Won’t he blow up at some point? What happens then? The truth is that this Draven almost scares me more.

Blowing out a breath, I pull on a pair of brown linen pants, a deep purple witchy shirt, snarky compression socks, and combat boots. I find a headband that won’t give me a headache with black bats on it, and head into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

My meds are in my backpack, and I make myself a quick smoothie in the kitchen once I’m downstairs to drink them down. It’s cheating, but this will be my breakfast. I’m feeling a little anxious and need to walk it out.

I’m dangerously close to doing something reckless, and since I’m a mom, I need to choose a different reckless thing to do. I don’t make the rules, I simply live by them. I wave at my cameras as I leave the house, enjoying the sun as I remind myself that I have free will. Not only do I have that, I have a fucking brain to temper reckless behavior.

I window shop, buy a new sketchbook and charcoal pencils because I need them, and find myself strolling into Arran’s shop. He doesn’t have a client and doesn’t hesitate to come over to hug me.

“I want a tattoo,” I mumble into his chest.

“Oh?” he chuckles. “You’re in the right place for that. Are you going to sketch something out for me?”