Page 25

I’m in beginner mode while he’s running circles around me.

“No offense, but you weren’t invited,” Alastair says.

As one, we give him our backs, knowing he could easily kill us. Standing, we each pick up two roses and drop it over the cliff toward the water. The length of time it takes to hit the surface reminds me of the terror of listening to her scream, and the feeling of helplessness that I couldn’t help her.

We may have told ourselves we were coming to say goodbye, but this is self flagellation. Everything we do, we’ll ask if it’ll measure up to some impossible standard we can’t possibly expect to hit.

Yet, we’ll still try. I’ll study my ass off, play hard, and try to enjoy a life Noor doesn’t get to have. I have no idea how long we’ll be able to keep this up until we crack under the pressure, but that’s not the point of this.

We fucked up, and an “I’m sorry” will never fix this.

“How anticlimactic,” Theo says as we move around him.

“You’re an asshole,” I sigh. “Have you never done anything wrong in your life?”

“I broke the love of my life into a million pieces just to see how far she’d break,” Theo sneers. “You may think there's life after Noor, but there’s not. This shit will eat at you forever. I look forward to seeing the news that you overdosed or lost that fancy full ride to college.

“You three will forever be cursed. Enjoy what little you have left of life.”

“Creepy,” Alastair grunts.

“You sound like a cheap fortune teller,” Draven replies, but I feel his shudder as we pass by Theo.

“Not at all,” Theo says, turning to follow us with his eyes. “If things drag on too long, I’ll ruin things myself. Drug use would destroy your careers.”

I’d tell him none of us do drugs, but it would be a waste of breath. He could easily fuck with our bloodwork from anywhere in the world. It’s what I’d do.

“We hear you loud and clear,” I say, my feet still moving away from him. He’s a nightmare walking during the day, a robot without emotions, except he obviously can love.

We took someone from him with our actions, and he could very easily break us.

“Don’t give me a reason to stick my nose in your lives,” he growls. “Stay out of California.”

“We could have games here, man,” Alastair says, his eyes trained in front of him. Theo could have a gun on us, and we’d be none the wiser.

It’s easier to pretend to be brave if you aren’t aware of how close you are to death.

“Is that what we’re calling a walk in the woods?” Theo asks. “Don’t play dumb.”

He’s got a point.

“Message received. It felt wrong not to visit.”

“She doesn’t need you and she never will. Keep fucking walking.”

I glance at Alastair and Draven, but Draven shakes his head slightly. It’s not worth fighting with Theo. I know he’s right, and I don’t look back. We keep walking all the way to the parking lot and drive away, our hearts slamming in our chests the entire time.

“That was dumb,” Alastair whispers as he drives. “We can’t come back.”

I nod, looking out the window to hide the tears as they slide down my face. I thought coming here would make me feel closer to Noor, but I was wrong. She’s not here, and I’ll never be able to feel the same high as when I was with her.

I’m addicted to a ghost, and that’s worse than any drug I could possibly imagine. Like mother, like son, I guess.

I thought I’d be able to break the cycle, but I’m doomed before I even get to live.

CHAPTER

EIGHT