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“We’re not sure yet,” Francesca replies, her gaze wandering over the others until it settles on me.
My stomach churns. They’re not sure. What the hell does that mean? Do they know? Do they know that Susannah has a serious problem?
“Can Lia dance, then?” Charlie takes a step forward, and suddenly all eyes are on me. “After all, she’s the understudy. She’s been training with Mr. Sutherland and Tyler for the last few weeks.”
“That’s right,” Phoenix says. His voice is calm and firm. “But it’s not that simple.”
“Why not?” Tyler crosses his arms over his chest. “Because our rehearsals are going badly?”
I flinch and turn bright red. Thanks, Tyler.
Francesca frowns but doesn’t reprimand him. “I can’t say anything about that yet. Mr. Pearson wants to wait until the weekend. The situation is complicated, and we want to be sure we’re making the right decision.”
“Does that mean the performance might be canceled?” Katie asks anxiously. She’s turned pale, and I want to run away and hide. If the performance is canceled, it will be because of me. Because I’m not good enough.
“No.” Francesca shakes her head decisively. “You don’t need to worry about that. The performance will take place. It’s just not clear yet who will dance the lead. I can’t tell you any more today. Please be patient. You will be informed as soon as a decision has been made.”
A murmur of protest spreads through the studio, but Francesca sends us back to our places unyieldingly and asks Phoenix to begin the lesson.
Things are going badly today. Everyone is terribly unfocused, which is hardly surprising. Somehow we get through the first few hours, and then the day is over. Afternoon rehearsals are canceled today because no one knows what will happen next with Susannah gone.
Since the beginning of the semester, this is the first Friday afternoon that we haven’t had classes, let alone rehearsals. No one is happy about it.
I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m completely confused. And then, for just a fraction of a second, I realize I’m not sure I even care whether I’ll still be considered for the role of the Swan Queen. And that scares me, because it turns my whole world upside down. It contradicts everything I ever wanted. I can’t not care, not about this. Not even for a second.
“Lia?”
“Hm?” I look at Katie. We’re sitting alone at one of the round tables in the dining room, neither of us having touched our lunch yet. How ironic.
“I wanted to go find Susannah and talk to her about . . . you know. Do you want to come with me?” Katie looks at me uncertainly, and I realize that she doesn’t want to go alone. That worries me.
“Yes,” I reply without hesitation. “Maybe it will help if we both talk to her this time.”
She nods gratefully. “I thought so too.”
“Then let’s go right now.”
Walking to Susannah’s room feels like it takes forever, even though in reality it’s only a few minutes. There’s no sound on the other side of the door when Katie knocks. Only silence.
“Susannah, come on,” Katie says. “It’s us. Let us in, okay?”
Still nothing.
“Please!”
Susannah doesn’t respond, and after a moment’s hesitation and a questioning glance in my direction, Katie resorts to threats. “If you don’t let us in, we’ll go to Pearson!”
Then finally we hear light footsteps, and the door opens. Susannah’s blue eyes shoot venom in all directions. She’s wearing leggings and an oversized hoodie, both of which make her look even thinner than she already is. Her hair is tied up in a messy bun, her eyes red from crying.
“What do you want?” she snaps at us.
“To see how you are,” I say. Concern resonates in my voice; I can’t hide it. She looks terrible.
Susannah lets out a contemptuous snort. “I’m doing great. Never been better.”
“That’s why we wanted to talk to you.” Katie takes a step forward, probably afraid that Susannah will slam the door in our faces. Not an unfounded concern.
“I don’t want to talk,” Susannah says gruffly.