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If you only knew.

“Because it’s wrong? Because you’re my student and I’m supposed to teach you, not kiss you?” I’m seething inside. Now I’m moving closer to her too, and everything is spiraling out of control again.

“That’s true, but you’re not a teacher yet. Not really.”

She sounds convinced, as though it were an irrefutable fact. Unfortunately she’s wrong, though she may have a bit of a point. She adds, “I saw you dance. You belong on stage.”

I shrug, but her words hit me hard. I didn’t give up the stage voluntarily.

“That’s over. I’m your teacher now, and we have to follow the rules,” I say. I wonder how much I can fool myself.

The only reason we managed to stick to the rules for a few weeks was because, basically, we had nothing to do with each other. If Pearson had paired us up sooner, we would have reached this point earlier too. I don’t know why I’m so sure about that, but I am.

“Why did you stop dancing?” She’s standing right in front of me now, her gaze piercing mine. She’s got to leave. And I want her to stay.

“Because it was the right thing to do.” I have to force the words out. My heart is racing, my stomach cramping. It’s obvious that Lia doesn’t believe me. No wonder. I don’t even believe myself.

“It was the right thing for you?” She sees right through me, and I don’t like it. I guess now we’re even.

“Yes.”

Lie.

“Why did you kiss me, Phoenix?” She stands on tiptoe, her face so close to mine that I can feel her breath on my skin. “Why did you let me kiss you, if the job is as important to you as you claim?”

Her words feel like dull, hard blows to my ribs. I find it hard to breathe. We’re only inches apart, and it would be so, so easy to lean forward and press my mouth against hers for the second time today.

“I couldn’t help it.”

Her eyes flicker, and the wall crumbles. One stone falls after the other. It’s so easy to see behind her facade. You just have to look at her and be honest with her. Half truths or whole truths, it doesn’t matter, and she’ll let you into her fragile heart.

I wonder if she realizes that. She’s so cautious, never letting anyone get close to her, and yet she’s willing to give her heart away immediately if only someone wants it. She shouldn’t give it to me, she really shouldn’t. I know that, and sooner or later, she’ll realize it too. But I’m afraid that until then, I’ll be too weak to resist the desire to tear down her walls completely.

“You couldn’t help it,” she repeats, a little taken aback.

“No.” I’m too honest, when it would be better to lie and send her away. It would be better if she hated me. And even better if she didn’t care at all. But I don’t want either of those things, and that’s a serious problem.

I try to think of Isabel, blue eyes instead of green, dark hair instead of blond, just like I thought of her when I kissed Lia in the studio under the roof, when I turned cold and then nauseous. But my mind won’t pay attention to me. Right now, the images are just blurred memories that don’t help me think clearly like they did this afternoon. No, I look into Lia’s eyes, and my mind goes blank.

“Why?” she asks again. It’s always the same question. Almost like a game where no one wants to give in first and reveal too much at once. There won’t be any losers though. Or will there? I’m not sure. I’m not sure about anything anymore.

I’d like to repeat my last answer. Tell her I’m an idiot. But she won’t buy it a second time. She didn’t even believe it the first time.

“Because I feel a little less awful when I’m with you. A little less trapped. A little more alive.” Only now, as I’m saying it, do I realize how true it is. I’m sliding straight toward the abyss, and I’m not even trying to slow down. Instead, I’m throwing myself off the edge headfirst and enjoying it.

Lia’s eyes widen. She bites her lower lip, and I fall.

Part 3 Act 3

Chapter 28

Ophelia

This time, I am clearly the one kissing him. There’s no doubt about that. Not about the way my hands slip into the collar of his hoodie or how I press my lips so hard against his that it hurts a little. It’s a bittersweet pain that sends burning hot flashes through my center.

Phoenix groans as if he can feel it. The sound goes under my skin and nests inside me, and I never want to hear anything but his voice again. It’s so intoxicating. So beautiful. So dangerous.

He puts his hands on either side of my face, opens his mouth, and our tongues touch. Everything is hot and demanding, urgent, a little desperate. And so real. So right. It’s everything.