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She hasn’t really forgotten me, has she? She can’t have. She can’t have forgotten to invite me to her birthday, whatever it is she’s planned. That’s impossible. Not after I’ve taken care of everything since Sam died. I bought flowers and reserved tables for dinner and wrote cards.

She can’t have forgotten me. So she must just not want me there. I’m not sure which hurts more.

* * *

We don’t exchange a single word on the way to Mom and Dad’s. It took me a few minutes to realize that Mom seems to be celebrating her birthday at home. It’s something she hasn’t done since Sam died. We’ve always gone to a restaurant instead.

I think Jase is just as aware of this as I am, because the closer we get to the house, the more tense the atmosphere in the car becomes. I don’t even have to turn around to look at him and Zoe. I can feel it, even though I’m sitting in front and they’re in the back.

When the car finally stops and we get out, I think I hear Zoe whisper something that sounds like “It’s okay. We can leave anytime.” And suddenly I wish someone were by my side, whispering that to me.

No, not someone. Phoenix. I wish he were here.

There’s a rushing sound in my ears as we climb the stairs. It’s been months since I was last here, sometime before I flew to London. I can hardly remember when it was.

I let Jase and Zoe go first, and I guess he’s at least as nervous as I am; otherwise, he would notice that I’m not behaving the way I usually do. Normally I would go first. Normally I would take the front door key out of my pocket and just walk in.

But today, nothing is normal.

Jase’s hand trembles as he raises it to knock, and my thoughts wander involuntarily to Mom’s last birthday. The birthday we celebrated on Sam’s death anniversary because . . . well, because we mistakenly thought it would make everything easier, less painful. In the end, it was all just worse and more complicated.

Jase got drunk and ran away from the party with Zoe, and I lay in my bed crying, alone, because I didn’t want Archie to see me like that.

I cried for everything I had lost. My parents, my brothers, myself. Our family, which was no longer a family, as everyone at that damn party probably realized. But most of all, for the loss of ourselves.

Dad opens the door. He looks the same as always, with his tidy dark hair, dark trousers, and white shirt. He always looks more like a businessman than a doctor. Maybe it’s just me, but every time he looks at Jase and me, I think his eyes lack that warm, compassionate expression that he seems to reserve for his patients. We inherited his green eyes, and sometimes I wish it were different.

Dad shakes Jase and Zoe’s hands, which must feel as uncomfortable as it looks. He gives me a quick hug, but it’s not a real hug, just out of habit. The scent of his aftershave hits me, fresh and tart. He wore it when we were kids.

My stomach cramps up, and I wipe my sweaty palms on my dress as we walk down the hallway. The house suddenly feels strange to me, even though nothing has changed.

But maybe I’ve changed.

Mom is standing in the kitchen. I can’t remember the last time she cooked herself, and in fact, she hasn’t cooked today either. The boxes from the delivery service are still on the counter. She’s wearing slim-fitting black pants with high heels and a pale blue silk blouse. Her blond hair is shorter, now ending just below her chin. The new hairstyle makes her look younger and softer somehow, perhaps because her hair is now too short to tie back as tightly as she always used to. She’s beautiful, but she always has been. However, something is different today, more than just her hairstyle.

A hesitant smile appears on her face when her gaze falls on Jase. Their lips move as they say something, and Zoe says something too, but I don’t understand a word. I don’t understand anything anymore.

She doesn’t even look at me.

I’ve become invisible.

An unbearable pressure builds up inside me. My whole body starts to prickle in the most unpleasant way. My hands clench into fists, and I have to bite my lower lip to keep from screaming.

Pull yourself together, Lia.

Somehow I manage to swallow the anger that’s digging into my heart with sharp claws.

“Hi, Mom,” I say, and miraculously, I actually sound like myself. Mom looks up, not the least bit surprised to see me.

“Lia.” Her smile is the same as always, and I hate it.

“Happy birthday.” I can’t bring myself to go over and hug her like I usually do. She doesn’t seem to mind. If she even notices.

Her smile widens a little more, and I want to cry. “Thank you. I’m glad you’re here. Shall we sit down?”

She points to the dining table, and we sit down. My parents, my brother, his girlfriend, and me. As if, for one evening, we’re magically something like a family again.

The silence is filled with small talk, which is hardly surprising, as no one in our family is good at talking. I don’t say a word, just listen as Mom and Dad question Jase about school. I know why they’re doing this. They’re trying to make up for cutting off his tuition money last year and making his life hell just because he wanted to dance. It’s an attempt to get closer to him again. In another life, I would have been happy that they’re no longer condemning his dream.