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“Uh, this one, and that blanket. And that blanket too,” she said, pointing to one on the chair, gathering them up as well as some pillows, I returned to the bathroom. Spreading them out in the tub, I went and got Lilah once I deemed the space comfy enough for her.

“Follow me.” I reached out, and she didn’t hesitate. Helping her off the bed, I escorted her into the bathroom, her eyes going wide when she took in the set up. Keeping a grip on her, I didn’t stop until we were next to the tub.

“Climb in,” I told her. She hesitated for a moment before stepping in. Once she sat down, she leaned back against a pillow and smiled. I closed the door before sitting on the edge of the tub. Kicking my boots off, I climbed in across from her, pulling her feet into my lap until we were entangled together.

“This feels nice. I don’t know why, but it feels safe,” she said. Her feet were shifting in my lap at the admission. Grabbing a foot, I started to massage it, and she groaned before relaxing, slumping down into the blankets and pillows.

“Are you safe? Is there anyone you’re worried about coming after you?” I asked, and her eyes flew open. She tried to shift away from me, but I wasn’t having it.

“You’re safe here. With me, you’ll always be safe,” I told her. Tears welled in her eyes.

“I don’t know where to begin.” Grabbing one of the throw pillows, she clutched it to her chest pressing it against herself like a shield, protecting herself.

“It’s your story, Blue Jay. You can tell it anyway you fucking want.” Lilah hesitated, her gaze flicking about the space as she gathered her thoughts. Closing her eyes, her shoulders sagged, folding in on herself. When she finally opened them, she began speaking.

“My family wasn’t the healthiest. Materially, I never wanted for anything, had unfettered access to education, graduating with a job already lined up. But at home, there wasn’t really any connection. Like, we all were just side characters in the other person’s show, navigating the orbits, never getting too close. My parents weren’t big on emotions, whereas I’ve always been sensitive. It was one of many issues between us.”

“Don’t ever be ashamed of your compassion, your sensitivity. I envy your ability to feel so strongly,” I replied honestly. Spending so much time repressing my emotions had left me on the periphery, not a participant in my own life. Before Lilah, my biggest sense of purpose was to serve the club. My hands were already dirty, my soul stained. That was a burden they didn’t need. It was the only thing of value I could give back. To thank them for saving us.

“When I was little and would get in trouble, my parents would sometimes lock me in the attic.” My stomach dropped, and red clouded my vision.

“I hated it. The dark and the smell and the dust. Then, once my sister realized how much it scared me, she would trick me. Extend my punishment. When the lights went off, I just…I was back there. It was so fast. It’s been years, but I don’t ever sleep without a light on. I don’t think I realized how badly it hurt me. Then again, this is the only chance I’ve ever had away from it all. Distance, clarity. All that.”

“Why did you leave?” I asked the question I was dying to know. The longer I went without a straight answer, the worse the situation morphed in my head. My imagination was twisting and turning, driving me crazy.

“I was engaged. To get married. I mean, of course, that’s what being engaged means,” she rambled, her eyes drifting around the room. Switching to her other foot, I continued massaging it quietly, waiting for her to continue.

“Everyone loved him—my parents, my sister, our coworkers. So I made myself believe I loved him. Got engaged, planned a wedding I hated because I let my mom pick everything. I was so desperate for any form of validation from them. It was the closest it ever felt to them loving me.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and she angrily wiped it away.

“Kyle was all show and no substance. Behind closed doors, he was nothing more than an incompetent child looking for a mommy, not a wife.” The words were filled with venom, anger, and fire rising in her.

“One night, we were fighting about cuff links, but really, it was about nothing at all. I had this moment, a vision of a future where this was my life, only worse and more frequent. Catering to the whims of a grown man prone to temper tantrums. I think I told him as much. It’s a bit foggy. Whatever I said flipped a switch in him, and he slapped me.” She paused before looking up at me.

“He slapped me across the face, then threw a vase of roses against the wall. The glass shattered and cut my face and hands. It was all superficial, but inside, the damage was done. I couldn’t…I didn’t know how to come back from that. And I was tired of making up reasons as to why I should.” My hands were frozen, gripping her calf as she told me the story. The pictures in the file added color and depth to her words. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, my teeth clenched so hard I was sure enamel would chip.

“I left, did all the work to cancel the wedding. My family didn’t agree with my decision. They said if I didn’t go through with the wedding, I would be cut off financially, and cut out of the family.” She frowned, a mixture of frustration and wistfulness drifting over her face.

“I had hoped their reaction would be different, but part of me already knew what they would say. I left their house and then left town. I didn’t take anything with me that they could track, like my phone or car. Blocked them on social media and all that. I don’t think they know where I am, but my sister has been trying to reach me. She got my new number somehow.”

“She harassing you?” I asked, trying to mask the fury simmering below my skin. The names added to my kill list grew with each new admission. Lilah gave a shrug, but her eyes didn’t meet mine as she replied.

“I haven’t answered. She’s left a few messages. Lissette feels I’m throwing a tantrum and essentially thinks I should get over it and come back. I don’t know why she’s even bothering. We’ve never gotten along. Out of everyone, I assumed she would be the happiest that I was out of the picture. You know, no longer able to embarrass them.”

“Don’t. Don’t talk about yourself like that. Leaving took courage. You trusted yourself. That’s fire, not fear,” I told her, and she blinked up at me in surprise.

“You willing to reconsider that alarm system?” I asked, thinking about how I would get one set up if, for any reason, she said no.

“Please. For my sake. I need to know you’re okay.” She studied me for a minute, searching my face for something before nodding.

“Okay. For you.” I closed my eyes. She would be the death of me. I didn’t deserve her, but I wasn’t good enough to give her back. Clearing my throat, I decided it was time to lay my cards out on the table.

“You’re not the only one with a past. I’m not a good man, Angel. You need to understand before this goes any further.”

“Then tell me. I’m here. With me, you’re safe,” she repeated my words back to me, sitting forward to grab my hand, entwining our fingers

“I hurt people. I do it for the club, to protect everyone. Get information, make them pay for hurting one of our women. Whatever is needed. I’m the one who gets them to talk. I’m the one who draws blood so my brothers don’t have to.”

“I don’t understand? Did they ask you to do it?”