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“Like a date?” she asked, her hand once again tracing patterns on my chest and arms. I realized it was a nervous habit of hers, like she was painting in her head.

“Our first date, Blue Jay.” No hiding. No games.

“I’d love that,” she replied, a full smile lighting up her face.

“Good. We’ll get the details sorted later. Now, go get dressed, or I’m never gonna make it out of this room.” She stood up on her tiptoes, reaching both arms around my neck.

“And if I want to keep you here?” Instead of responding, I kissed her. There was an edge to it—harder, needy. Before it could get out of hand, I pulled back, holding her waist until she was steady.

“Make sure you’re ready, because once you mean that, there’s no going back.” I wanted to do it right, though. I had waited that long to have sex. There was no need to rush it.

My relationship with sex might have seemed strange to some people. Growing up, I had only seen the worst sides of it. It was used as a weapon and a trick, as a means for control. It was a means to manipulation, and it left one vulnerable.

Even after the shit with my dad, the life I saw in the clubhouse didn’t do much to dissuade that opinion. The drama seemed never-ending, especially with the club girls around. It was supposed to be convenient, but to me, it just seemed like a breeding ground for fights.

That didn’t mean I didn’t have urges, cravings. When I started to feel out of control, desperate for a release, I’d go out and find a girl. Away from the club, away from my everyday life, it was easier to separate emotions. Find someone just for a moment, both looking for that same brief escape. Never anything more than a blow job. No kissing or touching. It was quick and impersonal. Most importantly, it was safe.

Up until then, that had been enough for me. I wasn’t so jaded that I didn’t realize there were perfectly happy couples out there who had healthy relationships that didn’t include cheating or abuse. Hell, some of the couples in the club were the most solid I had ever seen. Then again, watching Bash and Fiona in the beginning, we all saw firsthand how much damage an ex-girlfriend or club girl could cause. I was never more grateful that I had kept to myself when it came to club girls and townies.

Shaking those thoughts off, I texted the guys to check in. letting them know I’d be back at the clubhouse after we visited with Mom.

Less than half an hour later, we were at Mom’s, who was doing fine. Match had left before we got there, since Chris, Mom’s morning aid worker, was there.

“Lilah, my darling! I’m so sorry I didn’t check in with you before the storm. From now on, let’s have a plan in place. You should come here since Eliot made sure I have the generator.” Mom barely greeted me, rushing straight for Lilah instead.

“Oh, Beth, it’s not your fault. I thought I had prepared for the storm. You know, basic supplies, some jugs of water. Just spaced on the matches. Couldn’t think straight enough to remember where I might have had flashlights. Sorry, I’m just…ignore me. I’d love to have a storm buddy,” Lilah replied warmly. Mom pulled her into a hug. Over Lilah’s shoulder, she shot me a knowing look before she let her out of reach.

“Eliot, do thank the brothers for me. Match was a perfect gentleman. Showed me a ton of pictures of baby Birdie. Oh, Lilah, you have to see her. She’s Bash and Fiona’s baby. Just the most precious little girl with blue eyes and bright red hair.”

“And a temper,” I replied. Lilah looked over at me.

“Bash and I grew up together. He’s the VP of the club. He recently got married, and they had their first baby. It’s been fun to see. Everyone’s always fighting over her,” I shared. Like I said, I was in it for the long haul. I wanted her to know my brothers, know Fee and Charlie.

“And you all like his wife? Fiona?” Lilah asked. Not in a malicious way, just curious.

“She’s the best thing to happen to that man. And the club, if you ask me,” Mom replied.

I laughed. “Fee is awesome. She’s smart and a straight talker. Calls everyone on their shit, but in a quiet way. I think you’ll like her.” Lilah smiled as Mom went through her phone to show whatever pictures she had. My phone started ringing, and I stepped into the hallway to answer Bash’s call.

“Hey, man. Hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, his voice genuine and not mocking.

“Nah, we’re at my Mom’s. Everything looks good here. Thank you for helping.”

“Of course, brother. That’s what we’re here for.”

“So what did you need?”

“There’s a leak in the garage somewhere from the storm. Major cleanup needed. Any chance you can come by to help? I’m meeting with the insurance adjuster and have to walk him through the damage.”

“Yeah, of course. Let me just make sure everyone is settled here, then I’ll head over.”

“You’re a lifesaver, man.” He paused for a moment, then continued. “How’s your girl doing?” he asked, his voice lower.

“Better. Thank you for asking,” I replied.

“Tell her we’re sorry for freaking her out. Alright, gotta get back. Later, man.”

“Later.” Disconnecting, I headed back to the kitchen to find Mom and Lilah in the middle of what appeared to be baking something…More of a mess than anything identifiable, but they looked happy as they argued over the recipe they were reading.