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Nightmares & Daydreams

Page 52

by Crystal Nichols

The question sounded torn from her soul, every word a plea for answers, a cry born of grief.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Seph. Devon had secrets. More than any of us realized. You and Reaper have always been open with those kids. Every one of them knew they could come to you for advice, for help, for anything. He chose not to. Probably because he knew you wouldn’t approve of the road he was heading down—a road he chose for himself.” Cece paused before continuing.

“You’re grieving. In a way, this is a death. There’s nothing wrong with that. But blaming yourself isn’t going to bring you peace.”

“Then who am I supposed to blame?” Seph shot back. “I’m his mother, and I didn’t see any of it. I had no idea any of this was building inside him. Inside my own son. I thought the life we built was beautiful. I thought we had proved that family isn’t always blood. Sometimes, it’s the people you choose.” Her voice broke.

“Reaper and I loved him. We still do. It didn’t matter what a DNA test said. Not to us.” A hitch in her breathing filled the silence.

“That’s the problem, though, isn’t it?” When she spoke again, her voice was quieter. No tears. No anger. Just exhaustion.

“We made it about us, not about him. How self-absorbed was I to think that because I didn’t want to know, it wouldn’t matter to him? He found out anyway…And look where it got us.”

Crow had been in a serious motorcycle accident around graduation. He spent more than a week in the hospital and needed multiple blood transfusions. When the time came, Reaper wasn’t a match.

That was how the truth about his paternity had come out. That was the turning point.

“I took that choice away from him. This is on me. I chose the wrong path.”

I gritted my teeth, every muscle in my body straining against the urge to punch something. Seph had given everything to the club and its members. We had all stood behind her, poured ourselves into a project meant to honor her. Hearing her question that path and all the work we’d done gnawed at me.

Crow was tearing us apart, whether he was there or not. The doubt and suspicion he left behind were every bit as destructive as his presence had ever been.

With each step closer to the party, the music decibel increased. There was a war inside of me, stirred up from what I heard upstairs. But then I caught sight of Lilah, and my heart rate increased for a different reason. She was on the dance floor with Charlie, Fee, Roxie, Bull, Logan, and Star. They were all dancing and laughing, singing at the top of their lungs. I only had eyes for my girl. She looked beautiful because she looked happy. I wasn’t going to ruin it. Not then. I’d do anything to see Lilah like that every day for the rest of our lives.

Instead of joining them on the dance floor, I walked over to Bash, Atlas, and Match, standing off to the side, chatting. Birdie was in Match’s arms, pulling at his hair and chewing on his ear. The kid didn’t even flinch, letting the baby maul him.

“So how does it feel? First family halloween, coordinated costume the whole gig?” Match was asking Bash as I approached.

“Awww do you feel left out?” Bash countered as Match tried to disengage Birdie from his scalp.

“How much longer do you gotta stay dressed like that?” Match asked, and Bash shifted uncomfortably. I couldn’t hide the smirk that crossed my face, memories of Lilah’s dedicated makeup application floating through me.

“What’s that look for? It’s creepy as fuck,” Bash replied. I shrugged, turning to look at my girl.

“If getting this shit off was half as fun as getting it on was, then I don’t care how long it takes.” When I looked back both Match and Bash were looking at me with something close to appreciation.

“You guys gonna make a Bam-bam to go with Pebbles over there?” I asked, switching the focus from me to Bash.

“Wouldn’t complain,” he said, his eyes locked on Fee.

“Useless. Might as well be dancing with the girls.”

“Why aren’t you? You’re with Roxie, aren’t you?” I asked. Before, the idea of a matching costume might seem silly or unnecessary. Now, though, I liked knowing we matched. That people looking would see us and knew we came together. That she was leaving with me and no one else.

“You all suck. Take your kid. I need another beer.” Match passed Birdie over to Bash before stalking off.

“They’ll figure it out,” Bash said, as he snuggled Birdie in his arms. She blinked sleepily as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m gonna go get her ready for bed. Can you let Fee know we’re upstairs? She can stay as long as she wants. Just want her to know I got Birdie-girl.”

“Sure man. Night, Birdie.” Her hand wrapped around my finger before reaching out to pat my face, a curious expression in her blue eyes. Before I could deliver any message, Fee was already coming over, and the family went upstairs together. Lilah walked toward me, her hand reaching for mine hesitantly.

Doesn’t she realize? I’d follow her anywhere.

Linking our hands together, I followed her onto the dance floor, and we didn’t part for the rest of the night. When the party wound down, Match helped me corral the girls into the car.

“Drunk paint party! Woo! Will you paint my face, Lilah? Prettttty please?” Charlie was full of energy, already making plans for when we got to my place.