Page 105

Cole

But… he still left.

I fold the paper back along the same creased lines and put it into my pocket. I carry it everywhere. A little piece of Atom with me, even if I’m not sure if I want to be his. Not that he gave me a choice. The feeling of happiness at the news of my freedom swam in my stomach freely till the realization that it came at a price. A life without him.

When I woke to find the bed cold beside me except for the crisp paper, I was at odds with my feelings. Unsure of them then, as I’m unsure of them now.

My days have been filled, barely leaving me time to think about anything but the task at hand. Especially since both Gina and Grandfather think I should go back to school to get my degree in business. Not sure when I’ll have time for it, but I guess it’s a good idea.

Still, at times, my thoughts linger in the back of my mind. He still lives there, like a breath waiting to be taken.

“What about this one?” the seamstress asks as she fluffs out a dress in front of me.

I roll my head to Gina, who’s lounging on the couch beside me. “Is all this necessary?”

“You said you wanted to go shopping.” She picks at her nails with a knife. I wonder if she’s cut a nail off with them. The thought is morbid as hell, but with my own personal issues, it makes sense that my mind goes there.

“No.” I shake my head, both denying her words and getting my thoughts back on track. “I said I needed something to wear that wasn’t so formfitting.”

“Hence the shopping,” Gina says, flourishing the knife toward the seamstress, who’s awaiting my word. “And why we’re in a boutique the size of a mall that’s designated for just a select few.”

I huff out a breath but nod. The dress isn’t horrible, but it’s far sexier than I intended when we first came in. Mostly because it’s something I don’t feel comfortable wearing to a board meeting where I’ll catch the attention of something or someone I don’t want. The only person who should see me in this sort of dress is…

Your husband.

I growl at myself and look out the window, needing a distraction from the constant thoughts that keep not only my mind occupied but my gut churning. Like being tossed on rough waves, and I don’t know if I’m going to cry or throw up at any moment.

I keep telling myself it’s just stress. Nothing else.

What else could it be?

Loss.

The word whispers in my mind like the wind across a desert, carrying tumbleweeds from one end of the land to the other.

Is that it? Did Atom—Cole—mean more than I thought? Do I miss him or just that I lost another person in my life? Was it just him or what he represented? The people and connections I made in Kansas that now seem like a different world from the one I’m in?

“What the…?” My words die off when a familiar pair of faces come to the door. They pull on it, only to find it closed, courtesy of Gina’s security requirement.

Reina and her mother, Michiko.

I haven’t thought of them at all. Not even when I killed my father. The pain of what happened to them without him footing the bill never even crossed my mind.

But seeing them here, Michiko rapping on the window and peering through the glass with a frown on her face at being forced to wait, has me knowing they’re far too comfortable.

Something I wish to correct.

I don’t know when I became so vengeful, but I appear to have that quality now that I’m part of the Yakuza. I guess I’m like my bloodline after all. I just needed to be in charge for it to come out.

Another knock on the window has more than one head turning in that direction.

“Want me to get rid of them?” I can hear the smile in Gina’s voice. She’s probably twirling a knife and hoping I give her the green light. And she would take liberties, doing it any way she wished. I might have Gina’s loyalty, but being able to contain her bloodlust? That isn’t something I think even God could control.

“Too late,” I mutter as Michiko squints around the place till she sees me sitting on the couch, watching her. It’s comical seeing her eyes go wide a second before she stumbles back and drags Reina away.

She says something to her daughter, who seems to protest them leaving till Reina’s head turns back to the store. Almost as if she thinks she can see me from that distance. She can’t. But I can see them.

I’m out of my seat before I think twice. Gina is behind me, and I’m sure a guard or two are moving as well, but I pay them no mind as I head outside.