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My designs are nowhere near ready for a launch.

New Zealand is really far away.

Working on another Sammy Jensen movie sounds exciting in theory, but do I really want to pack up and move halfway across the world for two years?

Tears gather in my eyes, and I can’t hold them back anymore.

I’m pretty damn strong, but I don’t feel that way at the moment. In fact, I just want to curl up in a corner and cry my eyes out. Crying doesn’t fix anything, but I don’t think I can help it.

This hurts even more than I imagined it would. I’ve never had a breakup quite like this one. And he was so casual about it. Apologetic but determined. Gentle but firm. Kind but unwavering. It would have been better if he’d been a dick about it. Instead, he behaved like the man I thought he was. The man I thought was falling for me.

My phone is buzzing again, but I ignore it.

I don’t want to talk to anyone.

Tomorrow, I’ll deal with life. Business. All the things that have to be done. All the decisions waiting for me.

Tonight, I need to mourn the loss of the future I thought I was going to have. It wasn’t laid out in any detail, but it felt important. Permanent. He didn’t touch me like a man still in love with his cheating ex. I’m having a really hard time reconciling the way he behaved with the things he said.

I know my moving to New Zealand potentially for up to two years is a lot, but we could have figured it out. He could come with me in the off-season. I’d make them put at least thirty days off around the holidays. Sammy would let me leave if the Thunder makes it back to the finals. I would have made time for him. Doesn’t he know that?

The fact that he didn’t even ask is what hurts.

It still doesn’t make any sense.

Maybe it never will—and I have to come to terms with that. No matter how much it hurts.

With a soft, sad whimper, I pull my knees to my chest and hug them tight.

Then I lower my head and sob.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Cash

There are no awards for doing something selfless. Especially when no one knows about it. You just go about your business like nothing happened.

Except the worst possible thing happened—I gave up the best thing that’s ever happened to me like it was nothing. But that’s a lie. It was everything. She was everything. The most beautiful, brilliant, exciting, talented woman I’ve ever known. I gave her up for all the right reasons, but it feels so incredibly wrong. It feels like a mistake.

My heart definitely thinks it was a mistake.

The nonstop pit in my stomach believes it’s a mistake.

Even my brain is beginning to realize what I did wasn’t selfless—it was chicken shit.

I let her go because I wasn’t sure I could survive that kind of distance. Not after what I went through in my marriage. And losing her that way, after we’ve been together even longer, would be worse than what I’m going through now.

Besides, I know this is better for her long-term.

No matter what she does, I have no doubt it’s going to be huge. She will be incredibly successful, whether she continues to do movies or forges ahead with her clothing line. The WAGs have been talking about the nightgowns and whatnot that are being offered at Peachy Keene Books, and Bodi said they have nearly fifty preorders now. With zero advertising beyond the bookstore.

I’m really fucking proud of her.

I just hope Shandy doesn’t fuck her over if they wind up working together. I want her to achieve all her dreams, go as far as she possibly can. She deserves it.

And I deserve to be alone.

It’s just going to suck for a while.