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He’s pissed but not at me. He’s pissed in that way people get mad when they’re worried about someone. And that someone is Maya.
“You don’t understand,” I say quietly. “I didn’t do this for me—I did it for her.”
“Give me a fucking break,” Reid grunts. “Come on, this is not my first day as a man who broke a woman’s heart. I know how this works.”
“I’m telling you the truth.” I just don’t know how to articulate it.
“You’re gonna need to explain,” Simon mutters.
Damn. This isn’t what I was expecting. We don’t talk about this shit. As men, we either pretend nothing happened or we talk shit about the ex. I can’t do the former and I’ll be damned before I do the latter.
And that means telling them the details. The things I said to make her believe I don’t love her.
“I told her I still had feelings for Shandy.”
Simon blinks, like I’m an absolute dumbass.
Which I am.
Bodi’s eyebrows nearly reach his hairline as he stares at me.
Coach’s brow is furrowed, like he can’t quite believe it.
And Reid makes this weird face that’s almost a scowl but he’s also wrinkled his nose.
“What?” he demands.
“She was freaking out,” I say quietly. “The movie in Vancouver with Shandy and Jake. The job in New Zealand. Letting Nolan down at Thanksgiving. The whole thing with Shandy and Alexa Humboldt. She didn’t know what to do and was overwhelmed. I know she was worried about my reaction too, considering how things went bad with Shandy, with us prioritizing our careers over our relationship. And I fucking hated how upset she was. The indecision. She was starting to doubt herself. And I knew she was worried about what it would do to us. I couldn’t make her choose, so I ended it. I told her I didn’t think I could be the man she needs me to be because I still have feelings for Shandy. That’s it. No name calling, no blame, no nothing.”
“You call telling her you were sleeping in her bed while still in love your ex nothing?” Reid demands. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
“You do realize that was the equivalent of kicking her when she was down?” Coach asks in a gentle voice.
Ah, shit.
I never thought about that.
“I thought…” I lift my hands helplessly. “I thought if I took myself out of the equation, she’d be free to follow her dreams. To do all the things she needs to do without some guy holding her back.”
“You told her you still had feelings for Shandy?” West shakes his head slowly from side to side. “That was…fucked up.”
“But you don’t actually have feelings for Shandy, right?” Coach asks.
“Please don’t tell me you still love that she-devil.” Simon looks disgusted.
I shake my head. “Uh, no. Not even a little.”
“You made that up so that Maya would believe you really wanted to break up.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you love her?” Reid asks after a beat.
He holds up a hand as I open my mouth.
“Don’t jerk me around. You don’t have to love her—I just need to know what’s what so I can figure out how to get her to snap out of this.”
“I do,” I say softly. “Almost since the first time I laid eyes on her.”
