Page 11

Hmmm.I make a mental note to reach out to Bev, a teacher and friend of mine over at the junior high.

“We’re not doing anything, Trevor, so why don’t you shut up.” Jenna leans up and smacks his head making him turn around and fly over the front seat, smacking her back. “Mom!” she screams. “Tell him to stop it.”

“Both of you—Please! Stop acting like you’re four.” I grip the steering wheel, keeping my eyes on the road. “Neither of you are in trouble. I just want to have an adult conversation with both of you. I’ve already talked to your brother to get his opinion, and now I want yours.” I look over my shoulder, signaling to switch to the slow lane.

“What’s up?” Trevor asks.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about making a change, and I’d like your input.” My eyes flick to the back seat, making sure Jenna’s listening to me. “This isn’t easy for me to say, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while now.” “Are you and Dad breaking up?” Jenna asks.

“Breaking up? No, I don’t think so. I can’t say for certain since I can’t speak for your father, but I’m just taking a break…maybe?”

The weight and dread that I’ve been feeling are instantly gone. I’ve wanted to do this for so long, but I never thought it was a good idea for the kids. I keep an eye on Jenna to make sure that she’s okay. She’s the baby of the family, and where there’s an enormous amount of drama and an equal amount of sensitivity, I know she’s going to take this the hardest.

“Is this because you were sad last night?” she asks without bringing her eyes up to meet mine.

“Partly, honey.”

“What did Dad say?” Trevor asks.

When I glance at him, I see that he’s staring down at his jeans, picking at a thread. My chest twists knowing that his world is about to be rocked and I’m the cause of it. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s the one who’s going to take this the hardest.

“Nothing. He doesn’t know yet. I know that I’ve prided myself on being completely honest with you kids, and there might be times when I should’ve shielded you from more of the adult aspects in life, but I never want any of you to be shocked”

“Like about sex,” Jenna pipes up.

“Yes, like sex, but this is entirely different. More important,” I confirm. “I wanted to talk to you about what’s been on my mind first because you’re my kids, and if you want your father and me to stay together, then I will make that sacrifice for you. I’d do anything to make you guys happy.”

“Where would we live?” Jenna asks.

“Well, I haven’t looked or really gone above the first step. But, seeing that I work on the base, you go to school on the base, and your friends are on the base, I think maybe I’ll look at the condos just outside.”

Jenna nods and turns to stare out the window. “I wondered when this was going to happen,” she says as she continues to watch the road pass us. “It seems that there are more parents apart then there are together these days. You don’t know how many of my friends can’t do things on the weekends because they have to visit the other parent.”

“What do you think Dad will say?” Trevor asks.

“I’m not sure, honey. I haven’t allowed myself to go there, yet,” I tell him truthfully. “I just want to know your thoughts.”

“I want you to be happy, Mom,” Trevor says. “And I know that you’re not. You haven’t been in a long time.”

He puts his hand over mine and squeezes, making a tear slip from my eye. Out of all my kids, Trevor is the one who has always been able to calm me. Even as a baby when Heath and I would argue, his little body being held in my arms would always make everything seem okay.

He’s the one who struggles the most in life. He doesn’t always make the best decisions, and he doesn’t think that school and homework are important. Being a teacher, that fact drives me crazy. Charlie has always been driven. Since the age of eight, he understood the importance of grades and schoolwork. Jenna, like Charlie, is very competitive in and out of the classroom, so I never have to worry about her grades. But Trevor has spent his life doing the bare minimum, and at times, not even that.

“When you start dating, are we going to be able to tell you if we like the guy or not?” Jenna asks from the back seat.

My body tenses at the thought. “I’m not dating, honey. That’s not what this is about.”

“Oh my God, Jenna,” Trevor groans, “she hasn’t even left Dad yet. Why would you ask that?”

“Again, I’m not dating,” I respond.

“I don’t know,” she ignores my comment. “I was just wondering.”

No one says anything after that. Not for the rest of the drive to school. Jenna doesn’t tell me she loves me when she exits the car in front of her school and Trevor doesn’t tell me to have a good day when gets out to his school. Both kids are silent.

Something I’ve always wanted, but never like this.