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Looking down at the ground, he rubs his hands together. “I’ve enjoyed these past few months. Us getting to know each other again–not as Mom and Dad, but as Heath and Whitney, have meant something to me. I think more than I thought it would. I want you to know I’ve meant everything we’ve talked about.”

He’s right.“Me too, Heath. It’s been the same for me, too.” I whisper.

“There’s no excuse for how I reacted to your news. I’m damn proud of you, Whitney. I’ve always been so proud of you. You are the best part of me, and I’m sorry it’s taken you leaving for me to get my head out of my ass and see that. Losing you and our marriage isn’t an option for me.”

I quickly wipe the moisture from my face. “I’m glad that you think that.”

“And I understand why you thought differently. Today didn’t helpmy case.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“You and the kids have always been my greatest accomplishments.”

His confession breaks my heart.

“I’m a dumb man.” He runs his hand through his hair and then stares off into the distance as he continues. “I’ve always known you were smarter than me. I’ve always known that you would excel at life further than I would but I always thought no matter what, I’d be right there with you while you did it. I never thought you’d ever see me for who I really was, and that’s a scared, foolish man. I’ve always been terrified of losing you, losing our family–us. That’s probably one of my biggest fears. And it’s come true.” He hangs his head.

I drop my feet to the ground. “Heath, it hasn’t come true.”

He turns his head, regarding me with so much emotion. “It hasn’t? You may not think that right now, but it may change. Things may change. This time apart may turn into finding each other to you finding someone else, and I’m not sure I can deal with that. You’ve always been mine, Whit, and I don’t ever want that to change.”

“Heath–”

“Did I ever tell you how blown away I was when you told me that you wanted to be my girlfriend? I thought for years I had this one-sided crush. The classic cliché about a boy who falls for his best friend. I never thought you’d ever like me back in that way, not to mention fall in love with me and become my wife. I always thought I was the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet when agreed to spend your life with me, and now, because I lost track of you, I may be the reason why it might not happen.”

“Don’t say that.”

“How can I not? How can I not kick myself in the ass for ever thinking the little I’ve been giving you all these years would be enough for you?”

“You’ve done–”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me that I’ve done my best because if that were true, then I really don’t deserve you.” He hangs his head again. “There’s no way on God’s green earth that I would be able to live the life I’ve had without you… and these past few months, lying in an empty bed, sitting in an empty house has proven to me, just how much of me is you. I’m nothing without you.”

He looks up at me, eyes red with emotion. When he blinks, a single tear rolls down his cheek. I want to reach out and wipe it. I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him that I still very much love him. But those are all the things that my heart would do, and for twenty years I lived in fear of my heart. I need to listen with my head, and these are words. It’s always been just words, and from now on, I need to see actions. I need to feel… feelings.

“You’re everything I’ve always wanted, Heath. That hasn’t changed, so please don’t think it will.”

“Coming from my wife who’s no longer living in our home,” he snaps back. He shakes his head, putting his hands up, he takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just upset. I feel like I’m making headway, and then I screw up and I’m back to square one.”

“You’re not, I promise. It’s not just you. It’s me too. I should have told you how I felt tonight, but I didn’t. I have some changing that I need to do as well.”

“Well, I’m trying. That’s all I can do.” He pulls himself off the couch, and I follow. “I didn’t mean for all that to come out. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry about how I handled today.”

“Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, actually I do.”

“I’m glad. And we’re good. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you for listening.” He takes a step towards me, pulling me into a hug. The instant feeling of home comes over me.

“It would be so easy to fall back into the way we were,” I say into his shoulder, “but I need to stop listening to my heart because it loves you and us way too much.”

His lips brush against my cheek. “Then listen to your gut, Whit. Take some time and talk it out with your mind, but don’t forget to ask the advice of your heart. Your heart has always been the most important thing to me, even through the years when I didn’t show it.” He pulls the warmth of his body away from mine and leaves me with the click of the front door.

My feet stay planted, unwilling to run after him, all the while my heart screams for him to come back.