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Ipush my way into Heath’s room.
Ruby and Steve insisted on taking the kids out to get a real meal, so I thought it was the perfect time for Heath and me to clear the air. Once the door clicks closed, Heath turns his head towards me. He gives me a small smile, which has me rushing to his side. My lip trembles as I try to hold my composure, but I’m so emotionally drained, I’m not sure if I have the strength to be steadfast.
“I’m so mad at you,” I sob.
He lifts his hand, full of plastic I.V’s and takes hold of mine, squeezing it. “I’m sorry, baby.” His voice is scratchy. He doesn’t sound like my Heath. He doesn’t sound like the strong man that I’ve spent more than half my life with. He sounds so broken, so beat down, and it makes my heart break.
“Why?” I ask as I take the seat next to his bed. Not letting go of his hand, I wipe the tears away with my free hand. “Why didn’t you tell me what was going on with you?”
He swallows, trying to clear his throat. “Because I’m dense.”
“Yeah, you are,” I agree. He chuckles at my response that makes me smile. “I’m sorry for not knowing. For being so blind and not seeing the changes you’ve been making. I thought–”
“Don’t. Don’t blame yourself for this. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m your wife. It’s my job to take care of you. How didn’t I know? Why couldn’t I see it?”
“Babe, stop it.”
“God, Heath. You have no idea the thoughts that were going through my head. I was so scared. I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life. To think of a life without you…” I shake my head, not allowing myself to continue to have those thoughts.
“Come here.” He pulls my hand, willing my body closer.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” I try to pull back, but his grip tightens, so I give in.
“I’m not asking you to climb on me cowboy style.” I smack his arm, hitting the I.V. and making him wince in pain.
“Shoot. Sorry,” I say before I rest my head on his stomach.
“You’re all right,” he tells me as he runs his hand through my hair. “We’re all right,” he says in a whisper as he drifts off to sleep.
“Yeah we are,” I respond even though I know he can’t hear me. “We’re going to be all right.”
