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“You wanna tell me where you’ve been?” Luca asks in that stern, authoritative way he always does when he’s upset. “You stop answering your phone, abandon your apartment without giving any notice, didn’t say a damn thing to me. Jesus, I thought you were dead.”
“I know. I’m sorry, I just…” I pause, not knowing how to explain where I’ve been all this time. It would sound crazy. It is crazy. “I needed to get away for a while. That’s all. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.”
Luca doesn’t budge. He stands quietly, looking me over in a way that tells me he’s preparing some big lecture. Instead, he lets out a sigh, allowing his features to soften. “Don’t scare me like that again. Got it?” He brings me into his arms, hugging me tightly against him. “You’re all I have.”
For the first time, I don’t feel angry for being taken from my home. I feel guilty for what I’d left behind. Luca is the only man I’ve ever been able to rely on. He’s the only person I truly trust. He has something no one else could share with me, and that’s our history. Even as children, we were all we had. And now he thinks I abandoned him, just like everyone else we’ve ever known.
“I won’t,” I assure him, hugging him back.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
RHENN
It’s been so quiet since Sumner left. One week turned into two, turned into three. I should be happy. Things can go back to normal now. The only problem is, I can’t figure out which version of normal I prefer. The one before her, or the one after.
Life has been moving on around me as if nothing has changed, which blows my fucking mind because everything has.
The days seemed so long and I felt so empty. Like everything was scooped out from inside me and I was just…here. I blamed the Reckoning. It was coming far sooner than I was ready for. It had been my whole life’s purpose, every breath taken leading up to the very day I was no longer me. Or at least, no longer this version of me.
The weird thing, though, I’ve always known about my Reckoning and it’s always made me sick to my stomach. This isn’t that.
Everything hurts. I wake up feeling physically ill, then lie awake at night knowing something’s missing. It fucking gnaws at me, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
She’s gone. She left me. I tried to give her the better part of me, I just didn’t know how. And it wasn’t enough. She took a sledgehammer straight to my chest, drinking a poison that could have very well killed her just as easily as it could have granted her wish of leaving me. The risk wasn’t enough to sway her even slightly.
She. Never. Wanted. Me.
The one thing I don’t understand is how she did it. Traveling between realms is expensive, even if you do choose to travel cheaply. The girl worked part time at a diner for crying out loud. Where did she come up with the money she needed?
Not that it matters anymore. It’s done.
I sit with my legs in Ashen’s pool. The same place I was when I made Sumner wash that ridiculous makeup off her face. I didn’t like the amount of attention it was getting her. Besides, I prefer her without it.
The thought of that night brings another sharp twist in my stomach. I’m so hollow. Even if I didn’t understand it, Sumner was a part of me. And then she just freaking breaks my shit and leaves like we were nothing. Like I was nothing.
I guess maybe I never was.
“When’s the last time you drank?” Ashen asks beside me.
The water reflects my appearance back to me, showing me exactly what he sees. Dark circles under my eyes and tired lines. I’m clearly in need of some crimson hydration, though my appetite for it is gone. I only shrug in response to his question.
“You do know we need blood regularly, right?”
“I’d let you have some of mine, but I’m all tapped out,” Siena chimes in, wading the water in front of us. I was surprised to see her not only willing, but eager to swim. The water was never a source of joy for Siena, rather, a liquid grave. Not that I blame her, being that it almost took her life as a child. I’m proud of how far she’s come.
I notice her glance to Ashen after she speaks, like it’s something she wasn’t supposed to say. He looks down at his lap, then to the opposite end of the pool.
They realize I don’t care if he feeds off of her, right? Even when she and I were sleeping together, it wasn’t something that would have bothered me. Ashen is free to drink from whoever he pleases.
Well, almost.
“Thanks,” I say, rising to my feet. “I’m good though. Probably going to head home for the night.”
“Alright. I’ll stop by tomorrow,” Ashen tells me, stretching his arms over his head. “And please find someone to drink from. You look like shit.”
“Sure,” I mumble, dragging my feet up the patio steps.
Ashen is right. I feel weak without my regular intake of the main sustenance that keeps our order thriving. I’ve been neglecting myself the nourishment my body needs, and in turn, it’s slowly shutting itself down. We can live without blood, but it is essential to our wellbeing. I can drink, or I can walk around an empty shell.
