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A new panic races through me. It tingles down my spine, a cold chill that makes my stomach ache. How much did he see? Tears sting at my eyes, and my legs feel weak again. This isn’t something I talk about. Certainly not with him. It stays shoved way down where only I can find it.

“Tell me why you’re so afraid of him,” Rhenn says, his voice low, steady. When I don’t answer, he turns to face me, eyes searching my own for answers I refuse to give. “I felt it, Vix.”

My head shakes back and forth, chest going numb. “You’re afraid too.”

His gaze narrows, lips flinching like I caught him off guard. He recovers quickly, taking a few swift strides in my direction. “I don’t know what you think you saw,” he responds, wiping his thumb under my eye to brush away a fallen tear. “I can assure you, you don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you’re hurting too.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, little Vixen. There is nothing but a black hole inside of me. What you felt was nothing more than a reflection of who I used to be.”

“Rhenn…” I place my hand over his. Why won’t he just let me in? We may be broken, that doesn’t mean we can’t heal. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try. We’re the same, he and I. Shattered to the point we’ve hardened. We don’t have walls, we have impenetrable fortresses. But we are connected somehow. I know he knows it too. Doesn’t this just prove it?

“I feel nothing, Vix. Not for me, not for my past, not for you.” His hand slips away, leaving behind an icy void. “What happened tonight doesn’t make us special.” He takes in a breath, raising his head just a little higher. “There isn’t anything special when it comes to you.”

I pull my lips between my teeth, letting my eyes fall closed, and nod. I nod because it’s true, and I nod because I’ve accepted that this is who we are. Rhenn doesn’t care. Not about me. Those moments where I feel he might, they’re just an illusion. A dried-up wish that maybe we could be friends someday.

My mother saw things that weren’t real. I guess sometimes I see them too.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

RHENN

-Then-

We sit around at the top of the hill. Moxin and Cedric can’t stop laughing. Part of me wants to join them. I want to be having fun too, I just can’t help feeling a little sad though. They all have something I don’t. Something I lost.

Ashen stays close to my side. I think he’s the only one who knows how much I’m hurting, even though he doesn’t say. He’s also the only one who hasn’t tried to force me back into playing all the fun games we used to. He listens, sometimes even when I don’t talk.

I find myself sneaking glances at the new girl in our group. She picks the nearby dandelions, blowing their wishes into the air. Her long blue hair catches the sun’s golden rays, making it look shiny. She’s not from around here, but I’m the one who feels like an outsider.

“I’m bored,” Rai says, lying back on the grass. “What do you guys wanna do?”

“We can go swimming?” Moxin suggests. She loves the water more than anyone in our group. Daddy told me it was because she’s a siren and the water is for them like blood is for us. My daddy knew everything. I want to be just like he was when I grow up.

“Actually, can we maybe do something else?” Siena asks, kind of shy. “I don’t really like swimming.” She lowers her head and her cheeks turn pink, like she’s embarrassed.

Moxin and Rai look at her like she’s crazy. We all go to the water often, taking turns jumping off of Phantom’s Cove and seeing who can hold their breath the longest. Moxin isn’t allowed to play that game because she always wins, so she gets to be the judge.

“Yeah,” Ashen starts, tossing the stick he was playing with, “I don’t really want to swim. I think we should do something else.”

I notice the way he looks at Siena, waiting for her reaction. His face turns red when she smiles at him. Anytime she does or doesn’t want to do something, Ashen does or doesn’t want to do those things too. It’s especially weird now, because he’s always happy to go to the cove.

“Hey, kiddos.” We all turn to see Evered, Ashen’s daddy, waving at us from the bottom of the hill. “It’s time for my two boys to come eat.”

“Dad,” Ashen groans. “We’re not hungry.”

“You’ll have to fight your mother on that one. She worked extra hard making dinner tonight. Even told me it was sprinkled with lots of love just for the two of you.”

“Dad!” he hisses, trying to keep a straight face when everyone starts laughing. Ashen’s daddy loves embarrassing us. “Come on,” he grumbles to me, and we start down the path.

I playfully nudge him when we’re far enough away and no one can hear us. “You like Siena,” I tease.

His face glows red again. “Do not!”

“Do too! ‘I don’t want to swim, I wanna do whatever you wanna do.’” My voice raises, mocking the way he acted like he didn’t want to do something just because she didn’t.

“I didn’t say that!”