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“They paid with their souls.” Tobias continues, his hand sliding higher, resting just beneath my breast. “They worked their way up or gained The Ringmaster’s blessing. And in return, they get to use those of us chosen however they wish.”
“Use?” The implication makes my stomach turn.
“Eternity can become very boring with the same people, Little bird,” Tobias continues. “You’ll be desired more than you could ever imagine.”
Kenan’s knife disappears, replaced by his hand around my throat. Not enough to keep air from me, but enough to keep me from breathing too deeply. “But first, as your guardians, we are to break you in.”
His mouth crashes against mine without warning, hungry and demanding. I gasp in shock and he takes advantage, deepening the kiss as Tobias’s hand continues his exploration of my body. I crave him more than I want to admit, and Tobias’s touch behind me edges me further. But no –
“Stop,” I say weakly, both wanting what they are offering and being overwhelmed by everything I’m being told. Something deep in my soul is fractured … I just learned my sister is dead and yet, I can’t seem to not want their touch. A coping mechanism?
Kenan pulls away, his hand dropping away from my throat, and something flickers in his eyes. For just a moment, his mask slips, and I see pain in his green eyes. Raw and real.
“We can’t,” Tobias says, but his voice doesn’t have the same edge it did. “None of us can stop now. The Carnival owns us all.”
I turn in his arms to face him, searching his eyes ... knowing well that I might be turning my back on the real danger of Kenan behind me. “Then why even explain any of this? Why not just ... use me?”
The cruelty in his expression falters. His hand cups my face, thumb brushing my lower lip, but it’s Kenan who responds.
“Because we want you to understand what you’ve walked into.”
Tobias’s breath tickles my cheeks, “It’s been a long time since someone has been chosen for me to guide.” His eyes flick to Kenan behind me, and I know without a doubt – the last person that was chosen for Tobias was Kenan.
Kenan’s chest presses against my back and his arms wrap around my waist. “The Carnival changes you,” he murmurs against my hair, “twists you. Makes you forget what it was like before ... until the darkness feels like home.”
“But you’re fighting it,” I realize, looking between them. They both tried to warn me to leave, in their own ways. Tried to help me escape, even now ... I don’t know how other people are told their fate, but I doubt it’s as seductive as this, or how they were when we were testing the silks. “Both of you are fighting it.”
Tobias’s lips meet mine suddenly, gentle as if he’s scared to let himself give in too much. I melt into them both, stuck between them like an offering. My core tightens at the thought of being with them – no. Focus. On what? What am I even here for now?
He leans away and his eyes meet Kenan’s over my shoulder. Something passes between them.
“It doesn’t matter,” Tobias says. “We have been here too long.”
“Done too much,” Kenan adds, his voice rough with emotion.
I feel the shift in them both, the predatory facade cracking to reveal glimpses of who they might have been before The Carnival claimed them.
“And now you’re trapped with us,” Tobias says, his forehead coming to rest against mine. “Another soul for The Carnival to corrupt.”
“Unless ...” Kenan starts, then stops himself.
Tobias tenses. “Don’t.”
“Unless what?” I demand, turning to face Kenan.
Tobias grips my shoulders. “Don’t give her false hope. There is no escape.”
The mirror in the center of the tent suddenly flares with light, reflecting our three figures. It shifts and changes. We stand in the Big Top, our hands joined and raised above our heads before we bow. Then it’s over and we are plunged back into darkness.
“What was that?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter ...” Tobias says, “it’s time to get ready for the show.”
Chapter 21
My body still hums with energy as I descend from the aerial ring, the crowd’s applause echoing in my ears like thunder. There was something different in my veins tonight — power and confidence that wasn’t there before. My body hums with adrenaline and, thankfully, tonight, I didn’t almost become a display for Kenan’s knives. His performance is later, and as far I know ... I’m not expected to be there.
I catch my reflection in one of the backstage mirrors and still don’t recognize myself, just as I did last night. I’m starting to look like one of them, my makeup dark and smudged from the sweat. The lace bodysuits cling to my curves – I look, and feel, powerful.
