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Kane didn’t respond. He slowly sat up, a thin stream of blood trickling down his neck. He touched it, smearing it between his fingers.

THIRTY-NINE

January 2003

It was New Year's Eve, a few seconds from midnight as I stared expectantly at Ash who was focused on the lapping water. A large bonfire roared its head beside us on the embankment. Our friends danced and laughed wildly behind us. We were on the edge of forever. He was turning nineteen in a few months and I was already planning small bits of our future.

I surprised myself with the incredible detail and patience I had for these outings. It felt right with him beside me, celebrating among the people we loved, sharing moments only the two of us would have for the rest of our lives.

For the rest of our lives.

Statements like this rang through my mind every so often, like a whisper in my ear. These whispers were gentle at first, allowing a comforting lull to overcome me with the security of knowing Ash and I were still young. Still, an ugly reminder would come now and again telling me that things could change in the blink of an eye. And I didn’t care for it. I didn’t care for the reminder that this idyllic period in my life could change. I leaned my head against his shoulder.

FORTY

June 2004

I once read somewhere that joy didn’t come to you, you had to find it.

Life had become an endless stream of distress during my first year at Archmouth, yet amidst it all, there was something that filled me with a spark to keep going.

“Saraaaaa!” Ash’s voice echoed down the dark beach. It was the name I’d given people at Archmouth, taking a page from Daisy’s book, and ever since I’d used it, Ash had not stopped with the teasing.

Ash was now twenty years old and a man not only in stature but in spirit. A man who, with all the hurdles I’ve had to leap over, had offered me a boost and watched me leap with care.

We were back home for the summer and it was early evening when the sun plunged below the sea.

I scurried from the picnic I’d set up on the beach and ran to the boulder, which obstructed his view of the surprise waiting for him.

I peered my head from the corner as he approached and yelled, “Boo!”

“There you are little bird.” He grabbed my neck and pulled me into a heart-stopping kiss. His grip remained steady around my throat as his other hand trailed down the side of my bathing suit, leaving traces of goosebumps along my exposed skin.

“Ash,” I moaned, pushing back at him playfully. He released me with a playful glint in his eyes. Eyes that remained on me until I moved to the side and gestured to the scene behind me.

“Happy Birthday, lazy bones.”

Down the rocky shore was an area secluded by two boulders, a cove within the cove I called it. And that night, the dark sky and moon would witness another year of the one person who succeeded in maintaining the light within me. I had spread a few blankets and arranged candles around the area which cast shadows against the walls of the rocks, giving the appearance of multiple fiery stars.

“Come on.” I held out my hand to him. We looked at each other then those silent words radiating in the quiet space between us. His beautiful copper eyes glimmered with bittersweetness, a feeling I knew too well, before changing to mischief. He scooped me up, bridal style and I squealed and yelped in mock protest. Happiness felt different those days and I didn’t want to take a second for granted. I leaned in and grabbed his face with my hands, planting a slobbery kiss on his lips.

“Christian Asher Valen, I could not do all of this without you.” Life, I meant life. I couldn’t even tell him at the time what was happening in my family. All the broken pieces of messed up people trying to glue a family together, failing at mending cracks that no longer had symmetry with its whole.

Around us the skies glimmered and the single pale blue eye of the night dappled us with its shiny luminescent rays.

It was a cool summer evening and I wanted to soak every bit of it in.

Ash swung me around in a dizzying circle. I laughed heartily, giddy, the sound too far and infrequently it sounded foreign to me.

“You will be my undoing.” He leaned his forehead against mine then he laid me on the picnic blanket, ignoring the cake and treats I’d laid out for him. Instead, he pulled his shirt off with one hand, placed another beside my head and studied my face. I wrapped my legs around his waist, bringing him closer to me, feeling the weight of him and the warmth of his already hard length between my thighs. He buried his face in my throat, gently tracing his nose along the curve, taking in the scent of me.

“You are my favorite smell in this world, vanilla and the sea. Warm and cold,” he murmured against my neck, and my heart thumped heavily against its cage. The soft blanket beneath us crumpled as I wiggled free from his hold, only for a moment to flip myself over onto my stomach. He grabbed me before I could escape and a flush of warmth cascaded over my body. The front of him was pressed into me, in a hold that made me wish he would take me right then and there. But I made him wait. I reached for a lighter and tugged the small cake I’d hidden behind us, haphazardly towards me. He nipped at my neck, leaving small bite marks there.

“Ash.” I giggled. He made my surprise all the more difficult.

“What? Pardon me if I don’t want cake when the one thing I want to devour is right beneath me.” He thrusted playfully into me and I met his force by arching my body and grinding my ass against his dick.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he leaned his head against the back of mine.