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Ash was rough, demanding in what he wanted. He took no time in devouring my body softly, he plundered and drove himself into every bit of me. I felt him everywhere. He flipped us over, my body landing with a soft thud against the blanket. The candles flickered with the movement.

Everything was pushed aside to make room for our glistening bodies. Damned were the cake and the candles. The night around us seemed to quiet as I took his fingers and placed them onto the soft pad of my tongue, languidly licking the wetness off his fingers. His lashes fluttered with pleasure; gentle warm eyes had become fiery and devilishly piercing.

“Ash,” I moaned his name like a woman reciting a prayer. Reverent and devout. At least I had hoped it was devout. Ash was not worshipping me, he was conquering. And conquer he did. I found that despite it being our first time together, I didn’t want him to be gentle, I wanted him to take me as rough as he could, without preambles, without saying. I wanted him. All of him. I wanted to feel the force of him, his darkness, his light, his joy and sorrow. We’ve both teetered on the edge for years before this moment, never truly giving into what we wanted from one another. We should have talked about it—talk about the way we’ve lingered in the space of the obscure, afraid to take that next step. But we never did.

Passion in the form of Ash Valen was violent and unmerciful, and I found that his touch was the only time my mind quieted. He reached for his dick, lining it up with my entrance.

“How is all of that going to fit inside me?” I asked, between breaths as the anticipation of his thick length penetrating me sent a brief alarm of fear along my spine.

He leaned down and kissed me softly. “Remember, at any moment we can stop if this gets to be too much for you. But I want you to take it. My girl is not weak.” His dick twitched as he rested the tip on my warmth. I nodded. Just take me. If he took me, my heart would no longer sail freely in the sea of⁠—

Stop. I repeated it in my head, focusing on the pure erotic pleasure coursing through my veins. I reached for his dick; hands gripping his thickness and guided him into me. The gesture galvanized him into action again as he shoved himself in with no pretense. It’s what I wanted.

I grimaced at the initial pain of him stretching me open, spreading my legs wider to accommodate his girth. “That’s it, take all of me,” he hissed. I leaned forward to watch as his dick slid in and out of me, glistening with my sticky wetness. A smirk formed on his face and his eyes traveled to mine.

“We look fucking good connected, don’t we baby?” he asked.

I reached my arms around his waist, pushing pressure on his lower back. I wanted him to fill me already.

“Fuck me,” I groaned.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said, his face scrunched in pleasure, fucking me slowly.

“Just fuck me,” I gritted.

He acquiesced as his forehead met mine, his mouth hovering over my lips, opened with all the pleasure to come as he filled me to the hilt. A hot bolt of pleasure seared up my spine and spread across my body, blocking the chill of the breeze coming off the waves. He pumped slowly, in and out allowing me to get used to his thickness and length. Lewd sounds filled the air and filled me with satisfaction beyond words.

That’s it. I needed to feel complete. I needed him to throw his hook into my heart and station himself there, clearing out its previous occupant. It was cruel, my thoughts, but I soon learned that my cruelty was no match for the ones harbored deep within the man I would come to know.

His exhale was loud in my ears. It was an important moment for me, my first experience. A glance through the curtains of what I’d been missing out. Countless moments leading up to a crescendo.

Ash growled my name over and over, and it was enough for me to come again. Electricity zapping through my body, traveling to every nerve ending. I told myself, being here right now feels like heaven, but I know tomorrow will hurt like hell.

His praise and possessiveness of his hands gripping tightly onto my waist, the sound of him bottoming out and the echoing sounds of his hips slapping against mine—it was dizzying and breathless. He reeled back, his dick still in me as he sat on the balls of his feet, taking my legs and placing them on his shoulders. The angle of him inside me sent a strange sense of pain and pleasure across my pelvis, causing my back to arch off of the ground. He took this opportunity to place a hand beneath my waist and pulled out slowly then back in and out again, before building up momentum and aggressively thrusting.

My sounds were pornographic and I had no time to think about anyone accidentally hearing us, because I didn’t care. All that was, is me and him existing in that place.

His muscles tensed, every ridge and groove stiffened as his face twisted with pleasure. I could feel him coming. His dick twitched inside me, spilling every last drop into my core. I arched my back taking him as deep as I could, savoring his seed filling my insides.

Our gazes met and it was like a thousand moons illuminated the space between us, a newfound plane to traverse, to explore and to cherish. There we were connected, bonded through flesh with the realization that nothing would ever compare to us in this moment.

“You’re amazing.” He rested his forehead against mine, his chest heaving with ragged breaths.

“So I’m assuming now that we’ve had sex, we’re going to be doing it every chance we get?” I traced a finger down the side of his face, a smile on mine.

He lifted his head and laughed and I remembered thinking I was a young woman on the edge of the world.

Behind us, a slow fog had traveled into the shore. A shiver wracked my frame.

“I will never leave your side, little bird.” He rolled over and tucked me into his side. I reached for another blanket I’d tucked away in a basket and rolled it out over us. The warmth cocooned our naked bodies on that beach, safely tucking us against its shores and rocky boulders. No one could have told me that everything was about to change.

FORTY-ONE

June 2004

Ash’s father died that summer and I could barely remember this day. No matter how much I look back, it’s a fragment. Shards of glass that can never be put together.

It was a stupid death.