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“I’m payin’ attention.”

“No, you’re sitting here and you’re spaced out.”

I rubbed my hand down her arm to reassure her.

“I got a lot on my mind, baby. I’m still here wit’ you, though. I could’ve stayed home or went to handle business, but I wanted to come see you.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Shameek. You always being with me sounds like you squeezed me in between everything else you would rather be doing.”

I sighed because I could tell where this shit was headed.

“Nikki, I didn’t say that. Don’t twist my words because you’re already irritated. I said I have shit on my mind and still wanted to spend time wit’ you. That should mean somethin’.”

“It used to.”

Nikki pulled herself away from me and sat on the other end of the sofa.

“You know what I’ve realized? I spend more time trying to get your attention than actually having it. You’ll buy me something, come over, and we fuck. You lay around for a day or two and then the second your phone goes off, or your family needs something, I disappear.”

“You know that’s not fair,” I told her.

“Oh, it’s fair. You just don’t want to hear it.”

I sat up and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees.

“I’m not finna sit here and act like I don’t have responsibilities ‘cause you want more time. My family is dealin’ wit’ shit. My business just took a hit and I’m still trying to figure out who killed my brother. You knew I wasn’t some nine-to-five nigga when you met me.”

“Your family looked fine to me the other night.”

“So, you think some annual shit makes shit better.”

“You know, Shameek. Every time I say I need more time with you, you throw the family shit up in my face. Yes, I know how you make your money. I just thought eventually I would become important enough for you to slow down.”

She never saw how I adjusted for her. I had slowed down if you asked me. I had spent money to make shit right. Changed plans for her ass and stayed over when I had things to handle. It’s been times I let calls go unanswered just to keep the peace.

“I don’t kno’ what the fuck else you want from me, Nikki. I’m not changin’ who I am to prove I love you. If you need a nigga that comes home every night at six, eats dinner at the table, and spends weekends planted on the fuckin’ sofa, I’m not him. And I’ll never pretend to be.”

She stared at me for a long time before looking away.

“I’m not asking you to become somebody else. I’m asking you to stop making me feel like I’m always waiting for my turn.”

I knew what she meant, but my mind was betraying me, and I wasn’t into the conversation anymore. Kyenna was on my mind again. The way she looked at me after, like she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to slap me or pull me back between her legs. My phone was sitting on the coffee table, and I was fighting the urge to grab it all evening. All I wanted to do was send one text to see where her head was since she had been avoiding me. Nikki followed my eyes.

“You waiting on somebody to call or something?”

“What?”

“You keep looking at your phone like you’re expecting something.”

“I always look at my phone. That shit could be business.”

“Could be,” she said with an attitude.

“Fuck that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. You’re distracted. I’m not stupid enough to sit here pretending I don’t notice when a man I’ve been dealing with for years is physically beside me and mentally somewhere else.”

I stood up. “See, this is what I wasn’t tryin’ to do tonight. I came over here to spend time wit’ you and now we arguin’ ‘cause I’m not performin’ enough happiness for you.”