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I have some very vague memory of this. “Did I agree?”
“No!” she cries. “But I was the one who liked him! And now you’ve done the same thing to Allison!”
James’s brow raises, and I can tell he’s torn between astonishment and laughter. “Are you seriously still upset because a boy you liked six years ago liked her instead? A boy she didn’t even go out with?”
“No,” she argues. “I’m just making a case. That Elle enjoys taking what belongs to someone else.”
“You know I’m not like that,” I say, aghast. “And you know I’ve had a crush on your brother since we were little. Do you really think he’d have avoided Allison all summer if that was something he wanted?”
“He was confused! And then you had to sweep in with your tits and your legs and your hair before he had a chance to think!” she cries.
“Ginny,” he sighs. “I’m only going to say this once: I didn’t want to be with Allison. I don’t think I ever wanted to be with her, and I sure as shit didn’t want to marry her or whatever you cooked up in your head.”
“Is there any part of your life you’re not going to destroy this summer, James?” she asks.
He grabs my hand. “You need to watch what you say to me. And you need to watch what you say to Elle, because if I get my way she’s going to be a part of our family one day, and every ridiculous word out of your mouth is one she and I will both remember. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to be alone with my girlfriend for the first time in four fucking days.”
He tugs at my hand and I follow him willingly. Did he really just imply what I think he implied? I’m 19 and that future is far away, but every bone in my body hums “yes”. Yes, this is what I want and what I’ve always wanted and of all the things I’ve ever done or had it’s the first that feels absolutely, 100% right.
Chapter 46
We go to his room, the door shut and locked behind me the second I’m inside.
“I’m sorry,” he says, pulling me to him, resting his forehead against mine.
“For what?”
“For all of that,” he says. “For punching that guy and saying things in public that I should have said to you in private first. But I kind of didn’t even know they were true until they were coming out of my mouth.”
“So were they true?” I ask quietly. “Or was it just something that popped out?”
“Every word I said was true,” he whispers.
“Then say it again,” I ask.
“I love you, Elle,” he says. “I love you and I know it’s way too early for this, but when I’m with you it feels like I’ve finally come home. And I can’t imagine ever giving that up.”
“I love you too,” I say. The sliver of moonlight coming through the window illuminates his face, just enough to see the corners of his mouth turn up, to see a new kind of happiness settle over him.
“The next year is going to be rough,” he warns. “Actually the next three. But I want this. I want it more than I’ve ever wanted anything. And I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make it happen.”
“You just have to wait for me,” I tell him.
He is the reason, I realize, that the implosion of my family never cut quite as hard as it should. Because a part of me already felt that my family resided elsewhere. Here, with him, even when he was insisting he didn’t want me.
He tips my chin toward him, and meets my mouth with a kiss that feels like a promise. He runs his hand through my hair, his mouth lingering, moving quietly to my ear, to my neck.
“James,” I whisper. “Would it ruin the moment if I said I desperately need you to fuck me right now?”
He laughs and groans in the same moment, pressing against me just enough to prove he’s on board with that plan. “God I love your dirty little mouth,” he says, picking me up and throwing me on the bed. He shoves my dress up around my waist and I feel his breath between my legs, through the wisp of material that separates us. I wait for him to remove my thong, but he doesn’t. Instead he gently nips at me with his teeth, through the fabric. I gasp and hear him laugh as he proceeds to do it again, nuzzling and prodding, providing slightly less friction than I need.
“Please,” I beg.
“Please what?” he asks.
“You know what,” I tell him.
“Say it.”
