Page 23
“Juliet took a little spill on her bike,” Donna says quickly.
Luke’s nostrils flare in silent argument.
“You fell?” the pastor asks me. “Were you wearing a helmet?”
I shake my head. Trust the pastor to find a way to make it my fault.
The pastor frowns at Donna, looking at the mess on the counter. “You shouldn’t have to do this all on your own.”
He’s not saying the boys should have helped. He’s saying, “Falling off a bike is no excuse.”
I brace myself to stand but Luke climbs to his feet instead. “I can help,” he says.
But the look he shoots at the pastor’s back is lethal.
* * *
The damage to my bike is deemed irreparable. I have enough saved for a new one, but I’m just not ready—there is never a moment when I’m outside now, even when I’m just walking nearby, that I don’t feel that rush of wind at my back, the whisper of warning that something’s coming for me. So I take the bus and it’s twice as long, and the pastor is slightly cool to me on those nights I haven’t helped Donna, as if it’s a choice I made on purpose.
Luke’s been going out without us since it happened, but when I get home from work a week later, he’s weirdly insistent that I come out.
“There’s a big party on the beach tonight,” he says. “We all need to go. I’ll drive us.”
I frown. There are frequently huge parties on the beach, and Luke’s never cared about going before, so I don’t know why this one matters. And he always drives separately since his evenings end very differently than mine and Danny’s do.
“Sure, whatever,” Danny agrees cheerfully, never questioning why Luke is changing the plan.
I get the feeling he ought to have questioned it.
When we arrive a few hours later, we find hundreds of kids. It’s a party that will definitely get broken up by the cops.
“Are we even going to know anyone here?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Luke replies, distracted. “Some of the guys from the line-up mentioned it.”
We move through the crowd. I assume we’re here for a girl Luke’s meeting, as if he doesn’t have enough girls down at Kirkpatrick, but he’s watching me more than he is the people around us. We’ve wandered aimlessly for ten minutes before I tug Danny’s hand toward the south end of the party, where music is blasting. He won’t want to dance, but I do, and I’m sick of just following Luke around so he can fuck someone new.
Danny tugs back. “Come on, Juliet,” he pleads.
That snapping thing inside me unfurls. “Come on…for what?” I lash out. “So we can wander through this big crowd of strangers for no reason? So Luke can find some girl he’s after? So I can sit around listening to you guys talk about college and surfing all night?”
His jaw falls open. “What the hell, babe?”
I shake off his hand. Why is it asking so much to do one thing I want? I’ve followed along meekly the whole goddamn summer and the little I’ve asked for—a romantic night out, a relationship that feels more adult than the ones I had when I was twelve—has been denied. And it’s been denied with so little pushback from me that he’s dumbfounded when it happens.
I turn toward the music. I don’t even want to dance anymore, but if I don’t go, I know I’ll wind up apologizing and I just fucking refuse.
I plunge into the crowd of people dancing and close my eyes, trying to pretend we didn’t just argue, trying to pretend Danny’s not out there making excuses to Luke as if I’ve done something wrong.
It’s bad Juliet taking over, asserting herself in ways I’ll regret and apologize for later, but it works for a minute or two. I forget. And then the song ends and it’s Luke I see first, standing just outside the circle. His gaze paralyzes me.
He’s probably pissed, but he doesn’t look pissed. His eyes are feverish and feral. Possessive.
It’s not the way he looks at those other girls. It’s more.
“Juliet,” says Danny, moving in from my right, and Luke’s face goes blank again. “Can we go now?”
His voice is gentle, as if I’m a wayward child who escaped at the mall, one he loves though she tries his patience. How do I get angry with him for that? How do I not get angry with him for that? My shoulders sag in defeat. I let him take my hand and pull me away, back to continue this mysterious mission Luke’s on.
