Page 117

When we get back to the house, Mrs. Wells hands me Tommy’s suitcase and tells me to start washing his things.

I hesitate, waiting for Tommy to step in and tell his mom he can wash his own filthy clothes. He simply smiles at me and follows his mother into the kitchen, asking if there’s lemonade.

“There is,” his mother says while I drag the heavy suitcase toward the laundry room. “Grace made it fresh for you this morning.”

I separate out the whites from the darks, my nose curling a little. I’ve done my family’s laundry all my life, but Tommy is mostly a stranger. I’ve got no desire to be this close and personal with his filthy underwear.

When I get back downstairs, Tommy glances up at me. “I’d like the lemonade less sweet than this going forward,” he says to me. “Maybe you can whip up a new batch tomorrow.”

I raise a brow. “Maybe you can whip up a batch yourself if you don’t like it, Tommy.”

His eyes widen in dismay while his mother’s lips pinch tight.

I take it back. I don’t care if he’s embarrassed.

33

As the wedding date nears, I stop sleeping.

So much can go wrong. And what if I lose my nerve? What if I see my family in the church and can’t stand to break their hearts? But remaining in Bright Covenant has never been less palatable. On the day before the wedding, as I make Tommy’s bed and cook the family breakfast, I quietly seethe and swear to myself that I won’t say I do no matter how awful and awkward it is.

All night, my mind reels with possibilities.

This is the last night I’ll ever spend in New Hope.

What if tomorrow is the last time I ever see my family too?

Will my sisters’ childhoods be worse because of what I’ve done? Of course they will. And what kind of human does that to her own family?

But what kind of human lets my father carry on the way he has either?

I picture Kappy prevented from coming to New Hope, leaving me to escape on foot. Or the whole church aware of my plans, blocking the doors so I can’t leave.

“You look pale, Grace,” my mother says when she and my sisters arrive to pick me up. I’ll be getting ready in a room at the back of the church.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“I brought something to cover the circles under your eyes,” she says. As if she predicted I wouldn’t have slept. As if she predicted that I’d be as miserable as I am.

We arrive at the church and are led by the pastor’s wife into the dressing room. I pull on the wedding gown, and just as I emerge, Kappy walks through the door in a brilliant jewel green satin dress, a burst of sunlight in the dreary building. She’ll stick out like a sore thumb among the other churchgoers, but it’s also a reminder: the world is so much brighter outside of New Hope than inside.

And that world will be mine if I just have the courage to do what needs to be done.

Kappy’s brought her fancy hairdryer to do my hair. She’s also brought her own makeup and waves my mother’s concealer away.

“Got to look your absolute best on your special day,” she says with a wide grin, waving cheekily to Mrs. Wells, who’s just entered the room.

My sisters ooh and ahh over the makeup in Kappy’s bag, and then over the results. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

They run back and forth from the church to the little room, reporting on the events as they occur:

The organist is practicing!

Tommy is here!

The church is already full!

I don’t know how to do this. I thought there’d be fewer people in the room. I thought my mother and I would have at least one moment alone this morning, and it appears that we won’t.