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I open my mouth to speak, but he raises his hand, so I shut it, bringing my coffee to my lips.

“I worried when you told me what you two were doing.” Of course he did, because I’m Ansel Mercer, the one who’s never looking for a relationship. “Once I had a moment to think about it…” His shoulders slump and he leans forward on the table. “I know you. I know you’re probably torn up about it, and that’s why you wanted to talk to me about it last night, and all I did was jump down your throat.”

“I know it’s fucked up. I understand you being pissed, Fowler. I expected that reaction to an extent. It just hurt so much because you said out loud everything I’m already thinking.” I lean back in the chair. “What kind of monster am I?”

He stares at me for an uncomfortable beat. “So let’s talk about it.”

I shift in my seat. “It’s fine. We don’t have to.”

“Let’s not do this back and forth. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Nothing, actually. At least not right now.”

His forehead wrinkles, and I tell him about Collins’s checklist and how we’ve decided to remain friends until she’s checked off everything.

He nods as I speak. “At least one of you is thinking with your brain.”

I tilt my head, and he smiles. Is he really giving me shit right now?

“Seriously, if you guys are gonna do this, you have to be sure.”

“I know.” I nod. I get it, I do, but if she’s willing to give us a try once she’s done, we have a lot to figure out together.

“People will have thoughts, opinions.”

“I know.”

We’re both quiet for a beat.

“Did you have any feelings for her before Caleb passed away?”

“What? How⁠—”

He holds up his hands. “I have to ask, man. I mean, that changes things.” He looks honestly conflicted that he had to ask the question.

“I swear on my life, I didn’t. I never looked at her that way until we started spending time together, and I got to know her and not her as Caleb’s wife. She’s different than I think we thought. I mean, she’s nice and all that, but I don’t…” I shrug, unsure how to explain it. “Like, we knew her through Caleb more than actually knew her. Through his stories. Does that make sense?”

He cups his mug between both hands and nods at it while I speak. “Yeah.”

In hindsight, Collins always seemed more in the backdrop when I was over there. Maybe because we were always doing guy things. Watch a game, grill out, play cornhole. And maybe since neither Fowler nor I had a woman to bring over, I felt I knew Collins only from whatever Caleb said and not actually that I knew her. Their relationship was different than Elliott and Emelia’s, where Elliott rarely does anything without Emelia. Caleb preferred to go out with just Fowler and me.

“Tell me the truth. Do you think I should tell Collins that we can’t be together, no matter if she works through her list or not?”

He slowly raises his head and meets my eye, shrugging. “I think you both deserve happiness…”

“That’s not an answer to my question.” I arch an eyebrow.

“I think the whole thing is complicated. Hell, Caleb was complicated.”

I half frown. I’ve never thought of Caleb as particularly complicated.

Fowler continues, “But life is weird sometimes, and yeah, you guys will have to take some bullshit from some people if you’re a couple, but in the end, if that’s what makes the two of you happy, then who gives a shit? Not to mention, they’ll get over it. He died eighteen months ago.”

“Do you think… do you think he’d hate me for it?” A painful lump forms in my throat, and I can barely push out the words.

“Honestly.” He stares at his coffee. “I think if anyone would understand, he would.”

True. Caleb also fell for Collins. He knew what a wonderful woman she is.